Son reveals what it was like losing mam during lockdown
What’s it like to plan a funeral for a loved one in the middle of the coronavirus lockdown? Shane Whelpton opens up on saying farewell to his beloved mother, how he bought a coffin on Amazon and used a works van for the funeral journey
shadow on it and the doctors found out that there was a massive tumour on her lung.”
Hilary – who worked as a machinist at Gossard’s factory in Pontllanfraith as well as at a pub and an off-licence – was now being treated as an inpatient at the Royal Gwent Hospital in Newport. She was offered treatment but was told that it would give her a little bit of extra time – but it would not save her life.
“She did not want said Shane. it (the treatment),”
“They offered her radiation therapy but her energy levels were too low. They gave her painkillers for her lungs – but they were making her sort of spaced out.
“So, there came a point where she had enough and said she would prefer to have the pain – because that way she could ‘talk tidy’ to us.
“The way she faced up to quite amazing.
“She said to me, ‘I’ve had an amazing life. Don’t you worry about me.’ She was more worried about how I was doing.
“She was so caring that she would always be offering to bring round a Sunday dinner and even insisted on doing my washing every week – that’s the kind of mum she was.”
As her health waned, and she grew more weak, Hilary was allowed to go back to her home one last time.
As well as her son by her bedside, Hilary – who was also mam to daughter Lyn and the late Kay – was also given care from nurses at St David’s it was
Hospice.
Shane said: “What the St David’s nurses did I will never, ever, forget. They treated mum with so much compassion and allowed her to die with dignity.
“They were called Julie and Angela and they did not just look after mum – but they also looked after us as a family by their compassion.
“I can still see Julie’s hand on my chest and comforting her saying ‘you see your mam and dad’ and she also talked about my sister Kay who died a few years ago and how they were all going to be back together.
“Mam opened her eyes and smile. She was conscious and calm.”
Also at her bedside was her granddaughter and Shane’s niece Hayley – who had also helped nurse Hilary. “She died in me and Hayley’s arms. “I couldn’t have done it without her. “Hayley – she was just an amazing person. She had to self-isolate herself from her own family – it was an unbelievable sacrifice to make.”
Sadly, on March 29, Hilary – who also had two great-grandchildren – died at home in Blackwood aged 81.
In the days that followed, her family began planning her funeral while the country remained in lockdown.
However, Shane found that the planning side of things was not as difficult as he feared.
“A lot of the admin was done over the phone which made things a lot less stressful,” he added.
And Shane also paid tribute to his mam’s funeral directors for making sure that her last wishes could be carried out. “She has always been my biggest supporter, so she said that when the time came she wanted to be taken to her funeral in my works van.
“She also adored her grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and they have drawn pictures and written messages to her that are going in her wicker coffin.”
Father-of-one Shane, who runs Brynmawr based Doleq carpets, said he wanted to share the story of his mother’s death and her funeral in the hope that it would help other people going through similar situations.
“Going through a bereavement is hard anyway, before you even throw lockdown into the mix.
“But I just want to show that organising a funeral in these testing times isn’t impossible.
“I also managed to do a bit of research and save a bit of money. Mam never liked people wasting money and I shopped around and bought a coffin on Amazon that saved us hundreds of pounds.
“I also want people to know what the amazing work that St David’s Hospice Care do, too, and I know that things are tough for charities like them. And, I also hope that people can talk to each other more openly. Death is part of life and shouldn’t be a taboo subject. And everyone should tell the people that they love how much they mean to them – because they won’t be here for ever.”