Doctors had told me I was ‘too young to have depression’
Cariad Jarrett opens up about mental health struggles after an attempt to take her own life left her in a coma. Lucy John reports
IN NOVEMBER 2019 Cariad Jarrett lay in a coma as she received specialist heart and lung treatment in London.
After attempting to take her own life just a few weeks earlier, the then 19-year-old from Cwmcarn said she was found “99% dead” and had only a 2% chance of survival.
Cariad had been struggling with her mental health since her early teens and this was her second suicide attempt after an overdose in 2018. But despite that, she said that just three months before this most recent attempt she visited her GP and was denied help after being told she was “too young to have depression”.
After being too ill to be treated in Wales following the attempt on her life, her terrified family took the painstaking three-hour drive to be at her bedside at Royal Brompton Hospital, fearing the worst as weeks went by with little change.
But in early December 2019 Cariad defied the odds and woke from her coma. More than a year later, Cariad has bravely spoken out about her experience and called for mental health issues, especially in young women, to be taken more seriously as she continues to suffer from the effects of her almost-fatal suicide attempt.
Describing the weeks leading up to it, the 20-year-old said: “I can’t remember what specifically pushed me to do it because I can’t remember the whole week before it. Apparently it is quite common if you’re depressed for your brain to start blocking things out.
“I can’t remember what pushed me to do it but I know a lot of [personal] things were on my mind. I loved my job, I was a carer, but I was doing a lot of overtime. In the week before I went into hospital I did five 16-hour shifts in a row.
“I went to the doctors and said, ‘I think there’s something wrong with my mental health,’ and I was basically told they don’t like to label someone of my age, that it was just my hormones, and then sent me away with no medication or anything. I went back and another doctor gave me a really low dose of medication and it didn’t really do much.”
Cariad said she doesn’t remember the week before her overdose in great detail but she wrote letters to her family saying goodbye. Her close friends told her she seemed fine and had been laughing and joking. She said it shows that it’s not always obvious when loved ones are struggling with their mental health.
On the evening of October 31, 2019, Cariad took an overdose while living with friends. She was not found until 14 hours later and was on the verge of death.
She said: “I was 99% dead when they found me and I only had 2% oxygen left in my body so I only had a 2% survival chance. My friend couldn’t wake me up so she rang my parents and told them and called an ambulance.
“My parents got there as fast as they could and they were thinking ‘not again.’ My mum said she had never heard my dad cry like that before. They were so worried about losing their youngest daughter.
“I went into a natural coma and they rushed me to the Gwent and put me into an induced coma so my organs could recover.
“I was there for about eight days and then my body completely stopped taking oxygen.
“I waited for a team from London to rush down and they had to connect me to [special machinery] as there was nobody in Wales trained to do it. Then I was taken by ambulance to London. I wouldn’t have survived the journey without that special equipment.”
Again Cariad said she remembers very little from her time in hospital other than being very confused by the sounds around her as she lay in a coma for around six weeks.
“While I was in the coma I didn’t have any vivid dreams,” she said. “I must have known my family were all around my bed. I can remember my friend coming in to tell me she passed her theory test and she was shocked when I woke up and told her I already knew.”
As she came around, Cariad said she didn’t understand why she was in hospital and was “really upset” when he family explained the situation to her.
“I was shocked because after the first time I did it I promised them I would never do it again.
“I wasn’t in control of what I was doing. They were very understanding of that, but at the same time they were completely heartbroken.”
Because of how ill she was, Cariad was left with more permanent damage to her body. After being bedbound for a month following her discharge from hospital, she had to walk with crutches and splints because of nerve damage to her leg.
“I also had part of my left lung removed,” she said. “I was supposed to have [a lung removal procedure] on my right side too but during Covid it reinflated on its own, which they didn’t think it would do.
“They told me that my left foot will not recover because it’s been so long already. Others have told me I could see nerve repair in a year and a half so I’m a bit confused. I’m not really sure what’s going to happen, but I’m hoping it will repair.
“I’m not too worried because I am still walking, although I can’t stand up for a long time. I’m lucky to have come out of the coma with only the issues I have instead of severe brain damage or more severe physical problems.”
Though Cariad feels relatively positive about her physical health, she still has concerns about the amount of support she’s had for her mental health since leaving hospital.
She said: “When you get released from hospital after a suicide attempt they automatically give you a mental health crisis team. They started coming to the house once a week just to talk about how I’m feeling, what I’ve done that week, and to see if there are any patterns that make me happy or sad. They also monitored my sleep.
“Then I went to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) but they haven’t actually given me any medication for it. I haven’t really had much help other than a diagnosis. I was always recommended meditation, but that takes years to master. I’m an over-thinker and when I sit there my mind races.”
And if it wasn’t hard enough recovering from something so physically and mentally difficult, Cariad and many others like her had the corona
I can’t remember what pushed me to do it but I know a lot of [personal] things were on my mind
virus pandemic to contend with.
“Some days I can be okay, I’ll just stay in my room most of the day, but other days I can feel physically ill because of [my mental health]. I won’t want to get out of bed and I’ll be very snappy. Either I’ll not sleep at all for a couple of days or I’ll spend the whole day sleeping. Covid hasn’t helped with the lockdown.”
Throughout this period she has also lost close family members and friends and said real life doesn’t stop when you’re suffering from or recovering from a mental health episode.
She said: “Four of my friends have committed suicide in lockdown. I find lockdown extremely unsustainable because for the young people I know who have done it, how many more must there be out there? It’s hard because when you know someone is struggling, you can’t even support them because you’re not allowed to see them. It’s also brought it to light how many people are struggling out there other than just me.
“I’ve built a lot of relationship with my parents being at home with them and I’ve built a relationship with my sister Shannon too, but I still think about [my suicide attempt] every day and I still get down days, especially because I lost both my grandparents in the space of five days from each other – one on Christmas Day and one on December 30.
“If anything, my life has gotten worse because I can’t walk properly and I’ve lost people close to me, but seeing the damage I caused to my family and being close to them has helped me through the hard times.”
Despite her diagnosis of BPD, Cariad and her family believe there is something else going on that is not being picked up because of the demographic she fits in.
Cariad explained: “Myself and my family all think I’m bipolar. It’s what my specialist in London thought too as it can be seasonal. It would explain the severity of it and why I’m okay in the summer months but when autumn and winter hits I’m more reserved. A family member has bipolar and we are very similar. But even if they did change my diagnosis the medication causes bone damage, so you can’t be on it too young.
“I just feel like because of my age it’s still not being taken seriously, even with my background.”
Although Cariad is still struggling with the effects of her suicide attempt, she said she is motivated to carry on with the love of her friends and family as well as the prospect of one day having her own place to call home. She now has a puppy, Titch, who has helped her tremendously in getting her life back on track.
She said: “It’s hard to know what to do when someone is struggling but I’ve had lots of messaging making sure I’m okay. Every day I get a fair few messages and that means a lot. I also have a puppy to concentrate on now. I had been nagging for one for about 20 years but my family surprised me when I had the news my lung collapsed. She’s a tri-coloured pug called Titch – because she’s so small. She’s helped massively with my physio and my mental health. She’s so cwtchy, she crawls on to the lap of whoever will let her at about 7pm and will just stay there until you put her to bed.
“I always thought I would be back walking and back in work by now. I didn’t think it would be such a long recovery process. Starting back at work still isn’t an option for me at the minute, but I do eventually want to get back into it. I haven’t decided what yet, because even though I loved caring I couldn’t deal with the stress. I feel like if I could save up for my own place it would help me feel like my life is going somewhere.
“Generally I am a lot more positive now – when I do feel low I have been able to not act on it, and I know if I was struggling again I would talk to my family and open up more.”
She said that although she had felt dismissed by medical professionals, it is still extremely important that people seek medical or professional help when they need it. She said she has found charities such as Mind and Barnardo’s particularly helpful in offering specialist support and advice for those who need it and in the future, when she is able to, she hopes to raise money for people struggling with their mental health.
Cariad added: “You can’t really get support unless you speak out about it and it is still one of those taboo subjects. I think a lot of charities are understanding, and will give you support – that’s what they’re there for.”
A spokesman for Aneurin Bevan University Health Board said: “We are sorry that Miss Jarrett was not happy with the support that she received. It would be inappropriate for us to comment on individual cases; however, we would ask her to contact us directly so that we can support her and discuss her concerns.”
■ For confidential support the Samaritans can be contacted for free around the clock 365 days a year on 116 123.