Raped and abused for eight years by babysitter
Victim speaks out after ‘vile’ paedophile who destroyed her childhood is put behind bars
THE little girl in the picture was only six years old when that photo was taken.
A primary school pupil with a loving family behind her, and the whole world in front of her, it should have been a time of excitement and possibility and nothing else.
But while her smile gives nothing away she was also a girl who was being sexually abused by a man she should have been able to trust.
Twelve days ago – more than 30 years later – Michael Whilding, 65, was finally sentenced to 16 years in prison for a “campaign of sexual abuse” against his victim.
Over a period of eight years the family friend raped and assaulted her in the late 1980s, forcing himself upon her on every opportunity he engineered for them to be alone while he acted as her babysitter.
On one occasion he drugged her with sleeping pills and raped her as she faded in and out of consciousness, utterly powerless to do anything about it.
Now predator Whilding’s victim has bravely spoken about the years of abuse she endured and the mental torture that followed before mustering up all her courage to report her abuser to the police.
Speaking today K, as she has requested to be known, is quietly determined to do everything she can to get her abuser’s name out in the open. Despite three years of draining legal processes, and three postponed trials after Whilding denied everything he did to her, she still wants to speak out to make sure as many people as possible can look at his custody photo and hold him to account for what he has done.
When K, now 39, locked eyes with Whilding in the courtroom for the last time she describes how he tried to stare her out. In response she moved her mask for a split second to smile at him – an act of defiance that has been years in the making.
Speaking about her childhood in Cardiff, K said: “To try and remember good times from my childhood is very very hard for me because everything has just been taken over by the memories of him and the abuse. My family always joked I had a terrible memory but of course they didn’t know. I can’t remember much other than the abuse.
“He was very opportunistic, he never ever missed an opportunity. Even if he was just walking past me he would grab my backside – he just couldn’t keep his hands to himself. As I got older it progressed and it got worse but it wasn’t just the physical abuse though – it was the mind games as well. If he’d been touching me and then we were in a room full of people he would be smelling his hands or he’d whisper to me: ‘I love being able to smell you.’
“When I think back he used to walk around like he was this pillar of the community, this good guy, and the whole time he was actually a predator, a monster.”
As well as assaulting her and forcing her to perform sex acts on him K said Whilding would also threaten her by forcing her to watch extreme pornographic videos. To this day she can still remember exactly what he did, with some details appearing in flashes after years of trying to shut her memories away.
She said: “While he was showing me the videos I was told by him that I had to watch and had to pay attention because that was what he was going to do to me. I was constantly living in fear of the memories of those videos, thinking: ‘My God – that’s what he wants to do.’ They weren’t mild – they were hardcore pornographic videos.
“Even when I wasn’t with him, when I wasn’t actually being abused, I was in constant fear of knowing what he wanted to do with me.”
In total Whilding, of Mallory Close, St Athan, near Barry, was convicted by a jury of 35 counts including two count of rape, two counts of attempted rape, indecent assault, and indecency with a child following the trial.
While a number of those counts related to a second victim, it was K who suffered the worst of the abuse including rape and attempted rape.
Recounting one of those occasions, when she was around 11 years old, she said: “He gave me sleeping tablets. I was coming round, in and out, while he was raping me. I can remember when I was waking up just fighting to stay awake but I couldn’t because of what he had given me – I just couldn’t stay awake. All I remember is the waking up and the fear and the pain and just not being able to stay awake and do anything about it. I did try and make a noise but he put his hand over my mouth.
“I’d have bad dreams where I would literally be fighting in my sleep. It was not even on anyone’s radar that it could be going on.”
At that time, as a girl just starting high school, the impact on K’s mental health was severe and devastating. At a time where she should have been worrying about homework or making friends she was instead considering the best way to end her life. In an emotional victim impact statement read out to the court she outlined all the ways in which Whilding has devastated her life both as a child and as an adult diagnosed with severe PTSD.
While K donates to the NSPCC each month in an attempt to help others in the same situation she was in she can’t watch their adverts because of the response it triggers.
Storylines involving child abuse also have the same effect. K says she couldn’t watch the EastEnders episodes with the Kat Slater child abuse storyline for that same reason.
She said: “If I’m having flashbacks or having bad dreams it feels like it’s still happening now. I revert back to feeling like that little girl – it takes over. I just automatically go back to that scared little girl who knows what he’s doing is wrong but I don’t know how to stop it.
“I used to catch the bus to high school. Most mornings I would be walking in a daze and I would see the buses and lorries flying past and I’d think if I could just step out [into the road], just one big step, it would be done, it would be over, he wouldn’t be able to do any more to me. I never had the courage but I really wanted to. I used to dream about having the courage to end it. When you’re 11, 12 years old and you want to walk out in front of a bus it’s heartbreaking.”
Describing the last time she was assaulted by Whilding, K said: “I got older which meant I didn’t have to go to his house. I would only see him if he came to my house to socialise with my parents. I remember the very last time I was walking down the stairs in my house and he was walking up. He put his hands between my legs to grab me and I pushed his hand away and said: ‘Don’t.’ He looked a bit shocked and I said: ‘Stop it – no more.’
“In my head I couldn’t believe I was doing it. I will never forget what he
I used to dream about having the courage to end it. When you’re 11, 12 years old and you want to walk out in front of a bus it’s heartbreaking
K
said to me. He said: ‘That’s fine because you’re turning into too much of a woman now. Now you’ve got hair down there it repulses me.’ That I was turning into too much of a woman because I had pubic hair.”
In the years that followed, Whilding’s physical abuse may have stopped but the emotional toll of what had happened carried on. While K wanted to come forward and go to the police the fear was always there that she would not be believed or that nothing would be done.
At one stage K broke down completely – cutting herself off from friends and family after becoming a mother, struggling to understand how someone could do what Whilding had done to a child. At that time it was her brother who got her through, refusing to give up on her and encouraging her to get professional help ever since.
It was not until 2018 that she braved everything to make that lifechanging call to the police.
After putting it off for as long as possible to spare their worries and guilt K also had to tell her family what had happened.
When Whilding was finally sentenced they were in court by her side and have supported her through the whole process.
K said: “I’ve wanted to do it for a very, very long time and I just haven’t been in the right place – whether that’s because I was young and didn’t want people knowing or because for a long time I felt ashamed about what he had been done to me. It was almost like I couldn’t admit what had been done.
“I wanted to do it for so long but there was always that fear of going to hell and back and him getting away with it. It was that fear of it was so long ago and that no-one would believe me but the overall fear was that he would get away with it – that scared the life out of me. For a long time I let that fear stop me going to the police.
“I went to the police in 2018. To be honest I think what did it was thinking that he was getting older. If he had a heart attack and died or something like that I was never going to get justice and I think that was what it was. I was worried he would die and I wouldn’t have got any justice.
“If I’d known the police were going to be so good and so supportive, I would have done it a long time ago. If I’d known how professional and how seriously they were going to take it I would have done it a long time ago.”
On the same day that K made her call to the police, an officer came out to her house to talk face-to-face. Within two days she was having her video interview and before long Whilding was arrested.
While the time that has passed since then and the jury returning their verdict has been long and difficult – with three previous trials postponed for various reasons including the coronavirus pandemic – for her, the pain it caused was worth it.
When it was her time to give evidence K made the last-minute decision to go into the courtroom and face both Whilding and the jury in person, desperate to show she was a real person and not just a figure on the end of a videolink.
It is only now that she can receive the counselling and support she needs to try to move forward and focus on herself.
After everything she has been through, K’s reason for speaking out all over again is two-fold – to make people aware of what Whilding has done and to encourage other victims of sexual assault to come forward no matter how much time has passed.
She said: “I just want people to know it’s OK to come forward no matter how long it’s been. You will be taken seriously.
“It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done but it’s worth it for that person to finally get what he deserved and be held accountable for the disgusting, vile things he did.”
■ For confidential support the Samaritans can be contacted for free around the clock 365 days a year on 116 123.
■ If you’re worried about a child you can contact the NSPCC around the clock on 0808 800 5000.