Ben’s support for bereaved star Rio
ASOUTHPORT widower appeared on an ‘inspiring’ and ‘moving’ BBC documentary alongside Rio Ferdinand on Tuesday evening.
The programme Being Mum and Dad, focused on how the former England captain and his family coped after his wife Rebecca Ellison died.
Former Birkdale High pupil Ben Brooks-Dutton lost his wife Desreen in 2012, when an 83-year-old driver mounted the kerb.
Pensioner Geoffrey Lederman also clipped the pushchair of Ben and Desreen’s son Jackson, then two, when he confused the pedals of his car and hit the accelerator instead of the brake.
Following her death, Ben started a blog and founded a support group for young widowers.
Part of the television footage showed Rio say he felt ‘uncomfortable’ talking about feelings and emotions. He said: “I want to see people who’ve experienced what I’ve experienced. Maybe they can give me some first hand knowledge.”
After Desreen was killed, Ben founded The Gentleman’s Room, a group for widowers because he ‘needed someone who had been through this before to say: “Do you know what, mate, it’s going to be all right.” ’
The group grew from ten members to 20, to now more than 100. And a selection of these men accompanied Ben in meeting Rio.
Ben said this group is what Rio needed, too. He told the Visiter: “Perhaps if anyone in that room had met Rio in another situation they might have been starstruck, but instead he was just one of us.
“Another man whose life was going swimmingly until catastrophe struck and left him drowning in a sea of grief, confusion and conflict. ‘Why me? Why her? What next? How do I look after my kids? How do I look after myself?’”
Speaking on the show, Ben added: ”I think I needed someone going through or who had been through the same thing as me to be able to say ‘you know what mate? It’s going to be alright. I’ve raised this kid and he’s doing alright.’
“I started the blog, that turned into the private group for young widowers just like me. On a whim we called it ‘The Gentlemen’s Room’, but we also refer to it as ‘Fight Club’ because the stuff we talk about in there does not get spoken about anywhere else.”
Following Desreen’s death, Ben also wrote a book, It’s Not Raining, Daddy, It’s Happy: Surviving Grief, A Father And Son Start Again which became a bestseller.
Ben also continues to campaign for change. He says he wants to see a new law that means re-testing for elderly motorists is compulsory.
He also wants to see changes to bereavement benefits.
To keep up to date with Ben’s campaigning, you can follow his Life As A Widower blog at lifeasawidower.com