Suffering in silence isn’t how it should be, says bereft Geoff
ASOUTHPORT man has recounted the day he found his boyfriend dead in a bid to raise awareness and prevent further tragedies.
Geoff Smale talked about the five year journey he has embarked on since his boyfriend, Andrew John Beavis, died in October 2015.
Andrew suffered with severe depression in near total silence for a number of years and never told Geoff that he was struggling with his mental health.
His death came out of the blue for Geoff who believes he and Andrew were true soul mates. The impact of finding his loved one dead was devastating for the 31-year-old.
“My connection with him was instant,” Geoff told the Visiter.
“It was like I had found a soul mate from another life time and we were being reunited again. It felt like I just had all this data instantly uploaded to me when I met him.
“It is the most surreal relationship I have ever had with anybody. I 100 per cent believe I was meant to meet him in this lifetime, it was fate.”
Geoff first met Andrew through Facebook before the pair embarked on a year long relationship.
Andrew worked as a personal trainer but had spent time working as a dancer and in cabaret shows across the north, moving from city to city.
Geoff says Andrew was everything he had ever wanted in a boyfriend.
The 31-year-old said: “I’d never met anyone like him before, he was a real comedian and he always had this beaming smile on his face.
“We hit it off straight away, it was like he was the missing piece from my life, I never knew I could have such a connection to somebody
“We were into so much of the same stuff too.”
Although Geoff says he spent an incredible year with Andrew, he admits that his late boyfriend went through some hard times which eventually led him down the road to taking his own life.
Andrew developed a blood clot in his chest which spread to his leg, preventing him from exercising for six months and forcing him to leave his job as a personal trainer.
Andrew ended up working all hours at a demanding bar job.
Geoff noticed that this new job was putting a lot of strain on Andrew but he had no idea that his partner was struggling mentally.
Geoff said: “He had completely silent depression, I knew this boy’s every expression but I never had any idea.”
In October 2015 Andrew and Geoff were readying themselves for a family wedding.
Andrew had been worked hard by his new job but had been assured that he could have the week off to spend with Geoff and to attend the wedding as well.
But things fell apart when Andrew was denied his annual leave and then got sacked for asking to have the same week off as unpaid leave.
“I felt like he got bullied a lot and couldn’t say no to people,” said Geoff.
“For the last sort of month something wasn’t right, he had this look behind his eyes that I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
“I think he knew all his life that he was going to do what he did next.”
Geoff remembers Andrew being quiet and unsociable at the wedding and that they left the celebrations early.
After the wedding Andrew told Geoff that he wanted to spend a few days in Nottingham with his dad.
Geoff said: “He called me later on to say that he had got off the coach and had arrived, that everything was good.
“I was relaxed, I thought he was safe and happy with his dad and step mum.”
At 3.50am the next day, Geoff was awoken by a strange text from Andrew.
It read: ‘I want you to know that you’re the best thing that ever happened to me, please forgive me.’
Geoff feared that Andrew had experienced a drunken fling in Nottingham and was making a confession.
“It wasn’t until the next day at about midday that I got this horrible feeling that something wasn’t right,” said Geoff.
“I hadn’t had anything from him which was so out of character, he used to message all the time.”
Geoff called Andrew’s father to ask if he could talk to his boyfriend only to be told that Andrew wasn’t there. He hadn’t travelled to Nottingham.
“I left work and drove to Andrew’s flat in Manchester,” said Geoff.
“I saw that all the curtains were closed and I kept getting this irrational feeling that he was meeting someone else there.
“I ran up the stairs and through to the flat, and my whole world crumbled.”
Geoff found his boyfriend dead. “It felt like my brain had smashed into a thousand pieces,” he said.
“I couldn’t make sense of it. I remember talking to a paramedic on the phone asking if there was anything I could do, I was just clinging onto any possibility of hope.”
Andrew was 30-years-old when he died, he left behind a devastated and shattered Geoff who had to come to terms with what had happened.
The incident saw Geoff experience his own mental health struggle.
“I was diagnosed with PTSD and severe depression,” said Geoff.
“I went through constant cycles of thinking: ‘if I had just done this or that he would still be alive’.
“I kept seeing him dead and remembering the moment I found him, I kept reliving it.
“I had a lot of suicidal thoughts, I just wanted to be with him and I couldn’t understand why he had done this, it felt like he had done this to me.”
Geoff went through months of therapy before he was able to begin a healing process.
The 31-year-old says he was able to come to terms with his new situation once he had decided to forgive Andrew for what he did.
He said: “I know now that he didn’t do it to me, I was loved. He never thought he could give me what I needed but I didn’t need anything i just needed him.”
Geoff says his experience has completely changed his outlook on life, his fears and how he chooses to live.
“I went back to basics, I stopped caring about all these modern obsessions,” he said.
“It completely changed my outlook, it was almost like I was no longer scared because the worst thing that could happen to me had already happened.
“What else was there to be afraid of?”
Geoff found a calling card from the mental health charity CALM (The Campaign Against Living Miserably) among Andrew’s things after he died.
He ended up calling them and using their services. Now he wants to raise money for the charity.
In October, on the fifth anniversary of Andrew’s death, Geoff will be doing a sky dive in honour of his late boyfriend, to raise money for CALM. To support Geoff ’s fundraising, you can donate by visiting uk. gofundme.com/f/jump-forlife-mens-mental-health
IF you are concerned about someone, or need help yourself, please contact the Samaritans on 116 123.