Cheap but definitely cheerful time at resort
Pontins is one of those national institutions that everyone knows and many across the region have spent weekends at.
The holiday resort in Southport has stood the test of time and is still high on many people’s lists when it comes to booking a cheap getaway on British soil. It has attracted visitors from across the region for years - but has also been the first port of call for people from across the North and further afield.
is the TV and showbiz editor at our sister title Chronicle Live. He decided to pack up his car and drive down from Newcastle for a weekend away at the resort with friends.
Here’s Simon writing about his experiences over the recent Bank Holiday weekend.
HAVING seen friends jet off to the likes of Dubai, LA and Vegas in the past few weeks, I have to admit I was thinking ‘where did it all go wrong, Simon?’ when I was packing my car for a Bank Holiday in Southport.
But, as someone who never turns their nose up at a cheap weekend away with my mates, I fired up Google maps with an open mind and a heady mix of trepidation and excitement.
Including some slow moving traffic across the always unpredictable A66 after coming off at Scotch Corner and a stop for a service station McDonald’s, the journey from Newcastle to Southport took just over three and a half hours, so it came as a relief when the famous, but slightly washed-out blue and white colours of Pontins came into view, like a HiDe-Hi-esque beacon across the bay.
After parking my car – with plenty of free spaces available on site and cutting short the potential for anymore screeching of power ballads behind the steering wheel – it was time for the holiday to begin.
●●The accommodation
I’ll come clean straight away, this is the part of the trip that concerned me the most.
We all know the place you call home for a few days can make or break a holiday and, having read the reviews, I was going with low expectations and, if anything, fearing the worst.
When you get in your 30s the days of being happy to slum it on a rock hard bed in Magaluf so you’ve got more money to spend on superstrong bevvies have been and gone, but I will say the one bedroom apartment at Pontins Southport was absolutely fine and I had no complaints.
It wouldn’t win any awards for high-end decor or state of the art mod cons, but between two people, with a bedroom and decent-sized sofa bed in the living-area-cumkitchen, it did the job well.
If you opt for a Standard chalet rather than the slightly more expensive Club option, you have to top up your electricity but, Martin Lewis will be pleased to hear, you aren’t ripped off for your power at a time when we’re all feeling the pinch so it’s definitely worth getting a kitty for food and planning ahead to make sure there’s always something to whack in the oven to line the stomach.
Oh and there’s an on-site Nisa shop and takeaway for all your hangover munchie needs, with the shop also selling what I would affectionally call an array of ‘tat’. Light up fairy wand with your cornflakes anyone? Why get just bread and milk, when you can get bread, milk and a £1 super soaker?
The shower in the chalet’s bathroom was warm but did require you to keep on pressing the on button around every 30 seconds – quite the challenge with shampoo in your eyes.
●●The nightlife
Let’s be honest, like for many Brits on a Bank Holiday, for me and my friends our jaunt to the coast always going to be a ‘drinking holiday,’ and with a bar called The Queen Vic and a giant nightclub-esque function room called Fun Factory, Pontins definitely saw us coming.
I’ve headed this section ‘nightlife’ but the fact is it could be called day and nightlife as at Pontins weekenders the party evidently always starts well before the sun goes down.
Fancy watching a Spice Girls tribute or two women belt out a Celine Dion and Barbra Streisand duet at two in the afternoon when you’re still fragile from the night before? Or head to a Silent Disco after a Sunday roast? This is the place for you!
When it comes to bar prices, holiday parks could easily exploit their punters, because once you’re in there, whether you want to or not, you’re inevitably going to pay whatever they charge for your favourite tipple.
But other than a slightly pricey £7.50 for a double vodka slush (although you do get to keep the souvenir plastic cup) I never thought I was paying any more for a drink that I would in most bars back home.
●●The entertainment
The big selling point of this weekend for me was the plethora of ’90s, ’00s and Drag Race acts on the bill.
Night one saw Little Mix tribute Little Chix bring the party, before Drag Race UK season 3 queen Ella Vaday hit the stage and Liberty X, sans Kevin and Tony, delivered a hitpacked set.
On day two, the night belonged to Drag Race’s Kitty Scott Claus, Girls Aloud icon Nadine Coyle and the North East’s own Re Take That before Ariana Grande tribute Hariana, complete with her own branded fake bank notes, the always energetic Cheryl Hole, Sabrina Washington from Mis-Teeq and two thirds of Cleopatra rounded things off on the Sunday, all with smatterings of star turns from the resident reps.
For a kid of the 90s there was something VERY exciting about seeing Cleopatra, while a member down, do Cleopatra’s Theme in the flesh, rather than wearing out the CD on your bedroom hi-fi while perched on an inflatable chair and staring at a lava lamp.
●●In summary
With so much happening over the course of the weekend, it went by in a flash, although the hangovers most definitely did not!
Pontins won’t be for everyone but with a party atmosphere even when, according to staff, it was slightly quieter than expected; reps always there with a smile on their face to encourage you to get back on it and get your name down for karaoke and just a nice buzz among fellow guests at the shows and on site, for me it was British Bank Holiday personified.
We each paid £70 for three nights in a chalet and, given that also came a wristband that got you into all the events, as well as the free parking, it’s a break that certainly didn’t break the bank, and sore head and weary eyes aside, I had a smile on my face the whole time, other than the fact a phone signal was hard to come by for the entirety of my stay.
Go to Pontins with no preconceptions and I’m sure you’ll have a ball. It’s by no means the lap of luxury but if it’s bags of fun, a hearty helping of nostalgia, a judgment free holiday where everyone just wants to have a laugh and hearing Mr Brightside, Sweet Caroline and Proud Mary at least three times a day you’re after, you’ll not be disappointed.
No frills but all the fun.