Booze-free dance night helping women be themselves
AWOMAN stands at the door, dressed head-to-toe in sparkles, covered in rainbow face paint, and gestures for me to step into a warehouse. “Are you ready to rave?”
I manage an unconvincing “sure” and a half smile before looking down at my all-black ensemble and wondering whether my minimalist attire was ill-judged.
Thankfully, I’m told to leave all inhibitions at the door, because we’re about to dance the night away.
This isn’t any ordinary club night though, this is ‘self-love rave’ hosted by Caroline Kelf, aka DJ Flourish and it’s all about making women feel empowered and confident.
And it just so happens to be booze-free.
Many of the women around me are dressed like they’ve just walked out of Studio 54, or maybe they’ve nipped over after a Pilates class - a mashup of trainers, leotards and jumpsuits, accessorised by chunky earrings, bum bags and a can-do attitude.
A few tell me they’re here to recapture their youth, fuelled by nostalgic recollections of sweaty raves in grubby warehouses – others are just really pleased to be swapping their mum cap for dancing shoes.
When I rock up at the converted warehouse in Cheadle, I feel a little apprehensive.
I don’t tend to go out – or dance for that matter – without a drink in hand.
It’s a comfort blanket, an immediate way to feel less self-conscious and inhibited.
That said, hangovers don’t agree with me either, mostly due to the crippling anxiety, nausea and blurry recollections.
But, as I near the fourth decade of my life, I also find myself caught between two types of drinker - a slightly older cohort of social drinkers, and Gen Z, who hardly drink at all.
But, in fact, a recent YouGov survey revealed that nearly onethird of Britons don’t drink alcohol, while overall consumption has steadily fallen since its peak in the mid-2000s.
So, without alcohol, can you still have fun at a rave?
I’m sceptical, but Caroline, who is running the event and buzzing about the place in a neon onepiece, certainly thinks so.
During lockdown she started hosting online raves, combining elements of mindfulness and community to create a safe space for women to let their hair down and connect.
As she explains: “The reason I wanted to do this as a sober event is because when you’re intoxicated, you’re not really your true self.
“I think in our culture there’s a belief that unless you have a drink, you can’t have a good time.
“I want it to be an event when people leave feeling really relaxed, happy and good about themselves.
“Unfortunately, alcohol doesn’t do that, achieves that moment.”
She makes a valid point, because if we’re honest with ourselves, as a country, alcohol doesn’t bring out the best in us.
As we wait our turn to head upstairs, a woman brushes past me, and I’m forced to confront a horrible memory from Parklife festival nearly a decade ago when, having had a few drinks, I almost found myself in a full-blown fight with someone who accused me of not queuing correctly.
It was petty and pretty ridiculous, and the mere memory of my brash, loud self makes me cringe to this day – and on this occasion it’s convinced me I should probably embrace the sober nature of the evening ahead.
On the stairwell, a neon sign of Talking Heads hit ‘This Must Be The Place’ illuminates the walkway, it only in the leading onto a foyer where some of my fellow guests are being given a run through of how to operate their individual headphones for the silent disco, while others are grabbing a freshly pressed juice and signing up for back massages.
It doesn’t feel like a rave, more like a posh well-being festival, but maybe that’s the point.
I should add that I’m on my own, and while I do feel nervous, I also feel unencumbered, and find myself joining the queue for face paint - I have no idea where this sudden burst of impulsion has come from.
It certainly breaks up my all-black work attire and if anyone asks, I’m having fun. ok.
Shuffling slowly towards where the decks are, Caroline instructs us to put our headphones on and listen up.
“This is a sober rave,” she informs us, just in case anyone got the wrong end of the stick - a bit like when you mistakenly wander onto the wrong flight.
“I know for some that’s a big draw, but some of you might be freaking out and find being sober in this sort of environment difficult.” A few awkward looks are exchanged and it’s back to our MC.
“Yes, we let loose when we’re drinking, but dancing sober is great,” she adds.
“When in moments of discomfort, great things can happen.”
She goes on to explain how you can be more in your body when sober and how the natural drops and builds in dance music help build dopamine, which in turn elevates your mood.
She also tells us that we will have judgemental thoughts tonight and that we will compare, but when we get past it we’ll hopefully feel more relaxed and joyful.
It might be a bit much for some, but scanning the room, I notice everyone, no matter how inwardly awkward they may feel, is smiling.
And then it’s time for the music, she tells us to start bringing awareness into our body, shake it out - she warns this is a bit weird, but to go with it.
It feels a bit like a school disco at first, especially when I momentarily take my headphones off to adjust the volume and I’m confronted with a nearsilent room apart from feet uniformly shuffling it’s actually giving line dancing at my gran’s 60th vibes.
But,
I persevere and really try to ignore the feeling of awkwardness rising in my body.
Headphones back on, a string of uplifting anthems helps me along the way.
Sure, my dance moves leave a lot to be desired, but I do start to feel my shoulders drop and body loosen as we chase from Moloko’s ‘The Time is Now’ to Deee-Lite’s ‘Groove is in the Heart’, via Xpansions hit, ‘Move Your Body’.
I’m not the only one letting go either, at the front of the room a core group of ravers have congregated and are freely throwing their bodies about the place - not a care in the world.
At times, the two-hour rave feels more like an endurance workout, or perhaps we’ve all been tricked into a charity dance marathon.
Crucially though, with every passing moment I’m becoming more convinced that I don’t actually need alcohol to let go and enjoy myself.
Perhaps the penny is starting to drop about the gaping holes in our deeply ingrained drinking culture, or maybe I’m just horrifically dehydrated, but I think I’m starting to see the light. After a bottle of water and a sit down I’m a bit more realistic.
I’m not about to give up alcohol for good right in this moment, but I am seriously considering it in the long-term.
Filing out of the warehouse in a calm and orderly fashion, I overhear a few women talking about their own relationship with alcohol and it seems I’m not the only one pondering whether to give it up for good.