WTF IS THE ONEXPLAYER?

Well, this isn’t quite how I imagined the new Nintendo Switch looking…

Nah, this is the Onexplayer: a portable games machine that marries AAA PC gaming with handheld convenience. While it’s impossible not to draw comparisons with the current Switch, the Onexplayer politely crushes it in the specs department. We’re talking up to an 11th-gen Core i7 with integrated Iris Xe graphics and a whopping 8.4in 2560x1600 IPS display. That’s more than four times as many pixels as the Switch’s 6.2in screen.

Ooh, that won’t go down well in the Mushroom Kingdom…

You get the full complement of controls, including analogue triggers around the back, plus dual vibration motors, stereo speakers, and dual cooling fans to ensure the console doesn’t burst into flames when you’re playing Doom Eternal. It weighs as much as two Switches glued together, but deftly deals with weedy arms by way of a kickstand. A separately available keyboard enables you to occasionally fire up Office and pretend you bought the thing for work, but the Onexplayer has one more trick to tempt your buying finger: twin USB4 ports, so you can plug in an EGPU and a 4K screen at the same time.

So I can play anything on this thing?

Well, it’s a licensed Windows 10 machine, so anything in your Steam or Epic games library, and presumably Xbox Game Pass for PC titles too. Performance depends on what you’re playing, but in theory there’s nothing you shouldn’t be able to throw at the Onexplayer… and if you burn through the built-in 15,300mah battery in one mammoth sitting, you can rest assured that the 65W charger will juice it up again before you can say “wrist strain”.

Sold! Although that might change when I hear the price…

Even at the lowest possible spec, the Onexplayer is going to leave you £580 out of pocket. Well, nobody said taking your entire PC games library to play on the toilet would be cheap.