WTF IS THE ORB SMARTGUARD?

Sounds like a connected codpiece.

That’s not something you’d want to put in your mouth, but the Orb Smartguard (£159, orbinnovations.com) certainly is. While a smartwatch will do the job when you want to track your runs or crossfit workouts, they’re not really designed for contact sports. This smart gob-saver is a fitness tracker for your mouth; and while it won’t record how often your tongue wags, it can monitor how much your head gets pummelled, including impact locations and the size and range of forces – perfect for amateur boxers who want to know where they’re vulnerable to jabs.

What if you’re not a wannabe Rocky?

It’s designed for any sport where you might get a smack in the mouth. For starters, the EVA plastic will help stop you getting your teeth knocked out by a hockey stick or a hulking great flanker, but it also has an optical heart-rate monitor built in, plus 12-axis motion sensors – accelerometers, a gyroscope and a magnetometer – so you can use it to record all the stuff a normal tracker would. That includes approximate distance, steps and active calories, with more parameters due to be added further down the line.

Where does all the data go?

Orb has made its own app, but you don’t need to have your phone tucked down your shorts while you’re sparring or getting stuck into a scrum: the Smartguard stores everything on board and you can sync over Bluetooth when you’re done. It won’t work with Apple Health, Google Fit or any other fitness apps to begin with, but that’s another thing Orb is working on. It comes with its own charging case, and when you order you’ll get a moulding kit through the post to take an impression of your teeth. Just don’t put it down your shorts.