‘It was a living bereavement, you have a knot in your tummy’
FORMER teaching assistant Jane Jackson, 66, and husband Marc, 70, lost contact with their first grandchild Liandra in 2017 when she was seven.
The separation came after their son Keith’s divorce, but they were reunited when she turned 18 and tracked them down.
Software developer Keith also lost contact with his daughter two years after he separated from his wife. Until then, Liandra would travel to her grandparents’ Bristol home from her mother’s home in the North-east for holidays.
But access was suddenly and inexplicably withdrawn to her father and grandparents after the Easter holidays in 2007.
Mrs Jackson, founder of the Bristol Grandparents Support Group, said: “We had had a fantastic time with her.
“We had Easter bunny signs in the garden. Then we made Easter pictures in the summerhouse with sequins and paint. It was lovely. We were very close.”
There was no accusation of wrongdoing but the family decided not to go through with a court case in order to protect Liandra.
However, Keith set up a blog in her name, which he and his parents regularly updated with family news and photographs in the hope that she would read it.
“That Easter was the last time we saw her,” said Mrs Jackson. “We continued to send cards, birthday and Christmas presents but we didn’t know if they got to her. It was like a living bereavement. You have an awful knot in the pit of your stomach every waking moment.
“Being a grandparent is such a privilege. It is a unique relationship and so special.”
She recalled: “When Liandra was born my son called me. I was in the staff room at school. He was ecstatic, as was I. We went to visit as soon as we could.
“Picking up this little person, lifting her in your arms and her looking up at you. It’s instant love and different from the bonding love of a parent which is mixed in with the responsibility. As a grandparent you can let everything else go.
“You can leave the housework until later when they’re gone. It’s just magic and the benefits are enormous for all. The role of a grandparent is to support when called on. Not to criticise. When I lost contact with her I became depressed and saw myself going down a black hole. I had given up hope of seeing her again which is why I set up the support group.”
Last May, when Liandra turned 18, she found her father on Instagram and reunited with him and her grandparents.
Mrs Jackson recalled the moment she saw Liandra again.
“She was shaking from head to foot,” she said. “I opened my arms and she just fell into them.”
She added: “Access should all be about putting the children first, not about adults and their warring conflicts. There is no logic in the family law system.
“Young children are suffering severe mental health issues with a rise in self harm and eating disorders in today’s society and I believe family breakdown has a lot to do with it.”
Ken Ebbens, 63, a Portsmouthbased proof reader and his wife, Val, 57, a nurse, only have contact with one of four grandchildren.
Mr and Mrs Ebbens stopped seeing eldest granddaughter, Grace, now nine, after a family fallout with his stepson when Grace was eight months old.
Ken also now has two other grandchildren from his stepson that he and his wife have never met. However, he has open access to his stepdaughter’s child, Chloe, 11, who he helps look after.
He said: “This is not about grandparents’ rights, it is about the rights of grandchildren. My relationship with Chloe is everything to me.
“I speak to her every day and see her four times a week. She makes me proud every time I see her. Grandparents have never been more needed.”