Scary nature, truly red in tooth and claw
NOTHING on TV for Halloween was as scary as those four orca whales pursuing a single, nimble penguin on (BBC One, Sunday). Except perhaps when an exhausted penguin chick evaded a leopard seal only to see the seal drag itself up on to the ice and slowly crawl after it like a scene fromterminator 2.
David Attenborough’s latest series is breathtaking and heartbreaking in equal parts – the first penguin was eaten alive. But that’s nature, kids, red in tooth and claw.anything else is Disney propaganda.
The show is beautifully shot and packed with gripping scenes. I know it’s wrong to anthropomorphise but when I saw that huge elephant bull seal – bald, burly and aggressive, with “the mating rights to 60 females” – I couldn’t help thinking of Phil Mitchell. Especially when he laid into that younger randy bull for a sumo bout, blasting the upstart with Force 9 halitosis...
“Fifteen centimetres of blubber is protection against the cold but not from a four-ton opponent,” noted Sir David, which is as true in Antarctica as it is of Victoria on Who Are You Calling Fat?
The opening episode also introduced us to gastropod molluscs.these are hermaphrodites so, when they want to mate, “anyone will do”. Again, very Walford – characters switch sexuality on a whim in Albert Square.
We saw a jellyfish devoured by sea anemones, baby penguins chased off by an elephant seal and an albatross chick shunned by its mother after it’d been blown off its nest. (Climate change was to blame apparently, because they never had high winds in Antarctica before.)
We were also reminded of humanity’s shameful treatment of right whales; mercifully their population is now booming again.
Despite its strengths, the new series over-relied on heavy-handed background music to tell us what to think and feel. It also overdid the eco-hysteria with cameraman Rolf sobbing like a Bake Off loser... good propaganda but hardly suitable for a rational documentary.
“This might be the most critical moment for life on Earth since the continents formed,” Attenborough speculated. It might, but I suspect the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs might have the balance tipped in its favour.
Like me you’ve probably wondered what Love Island would be like if one of the contestants were a merciless psychopath.wonder no more. On
(ITV2, Sunday to Thursday) 11 unsuspecting twerps signed up for what they thought was a new reality show set in a Us-style summer camp.
It was only when Feargal’s boat exploded as they arrived, apparently killing him, that they realised something was amiss.
The show is actually Love Island meets Cluedo with a splash of The Mole and pots of paranoia as the panicking survivors try to work out who’s the baddie.
Cranky camp counsellor Bobby revealed that one of them was a secret sociopath who used masked handyman Bruce to do their evil bidding.
Pianist Nurry was knocked off next, allegedly decapitated by razor wire as she raced Eleanor on a Segway. Gruesome, yes, but if you love 1980s “slasher” films and horror movie styling you will have probably stuck with it all week.
Simon Callow was superb as Aubrey Judd in (BBC Four, Wednesday), a fruity ham actor who had been bringing “mild disquiet to radio listeners since 1976”. Sadly Mark Gatiss’s ghost story contained little real horror and the ending, like the ghoul himself – Aubrey’s drowned lover – lacked conviction.
Just when you thought TV couldn’t get any dumber along camevictoria on
(BBC Two, Monday/tuesday).this babbling “bodyacceptance coach” insisted that it was “ableist” to ask questions about mobility. She also claimed “health doesn’t exist, it’s a social construct”, suggesting that the fat had reached her head. Common sense andvictoria went together like hardening and arteries. She thought “O-words” like obesity and overweight were “offensive” and dismissed health concerns as “internalised fat-phobia”. Lorry driver Jack correctly summed her argument up as “a load of b ****** s”. Even Colin, whose leg had been
Who Are You Calling Fat?
amputated as a result of type 2 diabetes, couldn’t change her mind. “The science is completely bogus,” she declared. “Out of date... very hurtful towards fat people.”
Many deluded “rebels” think they can change things by banning words (or clapping), censoring free speech and ignoring reality.worryingly, many cowardly institutions go along with them.
With the polls just weeks away, isn’t it a shame we can’t elect TV executives? I’d vote for anyone who pledged to cut back on soaps, develop mainstream comedies, revive old-school variety shows and value entertainers over talentless “celebrities”. We’ve had enough “woke” dramas too.
Given that popular culture is superhero crazy, why don’t we adapt our own comic strip heroes for TV? There was Dan Dare (pilot of the future), Captain Hurricane, Marvelman,alftupper (the tough of the track), Sexton Blake and heroic Garth.
Super-villains included the Steel Claw, Springheel’d Jack (the terror of London), and indestructible hooligan Super-yob.all more fun than on Apple TV. (See? Saw. Majorly flawed).
I saw (Channel 4, Thursday) and witnessed something terrible. The acting.
Finally on
(BBC One, Saturday), Motsi complimented Catherine “Eva Price” Tyldesley for her “upstairs” but added “downstairs there was something missing”. Crikey. No wonder Corrie’s Aidan cheated.