I killed the bad guy... just don’t tell DC dad
WELL, IT’S A typical family situation. Your daughter Tam has fallen pregnant to the local, desperately unlikeable, brewery owner. She tells her brother Ryan, they follow him into woods and she suffocates the nasty businessman with a plastic bag, conveniently located nearby. But everything is okay because your Dad, Max (Jason Hughes) is a local detective investigating the murder!
They would have made great contestants on Family Fortunes but alas they were too busy with the final episode of The Pact (BBC One, Tuesday) which saw this ordinary Welsh family undertake family counselling. The shrink soon took his £85 plus VAT and ran from the house.
As it turned out, Tam wasn’t done for the crime – unless they’re planning a second series. It’s possible. Instead, Julie Hesmondhalgh’s Nancy took the rap as a “sisterly” favour to Tam’s mum, Anna (Laura Fraser). They were brewery colleagues who had bonded too much around the optics. We know the feeling.
If you stayed the course, through some clever padding and backstory, congratulate yourself. Jason Hughes and Laura Fraser did very well too, keeping us thinking, “What the hell is going on…?” and “Why are the police so rubbish?”
Now to more important matters. Is putting the word “Masked” in the title of a Saturday night entertainment show enough to make it a hit? It is if the first show in the incarnation was called The Masked Singer.
A global hit, the “masked” franchise is now huge and should continue to grow, although I don’t see much scope in The Masked Gardener — but don’t rule it out.
Indeed, ITV thinks it’s such a winner, they showed the new format, The Masked Dancer (ITV, Sunday – Saturday), across the entire week. Tough luck, if you don’t like it.
It’s also not the sort of show to do in summer heat either. Do the suits have ventilation? Perhaps AIRCON will be a “character” in the next series!
For my money, the “Dancer” was a marginally better show than “Singer”, even though there were so few clues to go on. My only concern was that my eyes, and surely most of the audience’s, were drawn to each competitor’s pins to see if they could cut the rug. If they were also struggling to “pop and lock” – I don’t know either – they were probably over the age of 50. As conscientious judge Davina said of Scarecrow, “Bit of energy – must be young.” Hang on, this show is ageist! (joke).
Right now, guessing games are the new talent shows.
BBC has I Can See Your Voice, while ITV will continue to throw eager celebrities into weird outfits for as long as they can.
Who would turn it down? In
The Masked Dancer you can show off
– and safely look at your Twitter afterwards. In short, this was a wild, fancy-dress Strictly party with better gags. I’d only ask that before this format goes away Mary Berry – panellist Jonathan Ross’s favourite punt after Fiona Bruce – gets a turn in a costume, probably in The Masked Cook. Again, don’t rule it out.
The new Anne Boleyn (Channel 5, Tuesday – Thursday) had plenty of fight. She was even prepared to take on the RSPCA over husband Henry VIII’S fascination with showy, but noisy peacocks. Hard to see what he saw in them.
Anne was taking none of it: “I want them removed or I will hunt them down myself.” Given the Tudors’ propensity to hunt anything that moved, plump Henry would have found himself in front of his plucky, favourite bird on one of his expansive dining tables. And eaten it.
She was fiery and certainly wanted her own way – which brought an increasing element of tragedy to this “re-imagined” version, although she would still face the same ending. Jodie Turner-smith’s Anne (inset below) had real tenacity, and a determination to do everything possible to hang on to her monarch – and this didn’t stop at the bedchamber door. But clearly this was a man you couldn’t get around, sometimes literally.
He was already seriously flirting with Jane Seymour in court as Anne was giving birth. She planted a well-directed slap on the face of the minx, whom she must have suspected would be the next bride, but of course quietly knowing it would make no difference to a man with one thing on his mind – a male heir to the throne.
Well-directed and acted, this Anne Boleyn will not go down as a classic against something like Wolf Hall, but don’t be surprised if it’s shown to your children in school as a modern retelling.
On that score, it rates very highly – and entertaining, too.
Finally, Labour leader Keir Starmer dared to do Piers Morgan’s Life Stories (ITV, Tuesday). It must be the bravest thing he’s done, especially with his confession to having a “good time” at university. I’m sure you can top that, Boris.