THAT MONSTER TOOK SON...I NOW FEAR FOR
WHEN 14-year-old Breck Bednar was brutally murdered in 2014, his devastated mother Lorin Lafave says she felt overwhelming guilt.
Breck was groomed by 18-year-old Lewis Daynes whom he had met through online gaming.
Lorin had grown suspicious of the predator, limiting her son’s access to his electronics in a bid to stop Daynes contacting him. Instead, Daynes sent Breck a phone to talk directly.
Lorin, 54, approached other parents, Breck’s tutor and even contacted Surrey Police to express concern that her son was being groomed. But still, nothing was done.
On February 17, 2014, Lorin’s birthday, Breck was lured to his predator’s flat, where he was bound and knifed in the throat. Daynes posted images of Breck’s lifeless body online and news of the death reached Lorin’s family when her other children were sent messages by people who saw the pictures.
Looking back, Lorin says she suffered PTSD and now lives in fear of harm coming to her three other children, saying: “I just pray every day they’re OK.”
She is now devoting her life to protecting other children from being groomed with The Breck Foundation Charity, and is calling on the Government and technology companies to do their bit.
Lorin, from Michigan in the US, said: “At the time everything was going super fab for our family, or so I thought. The kids were doing well, I was proud of them. I was happy in my relationship. I actually thought I had gotten rid of the predator.
“I thought life was perfect but I didn’t realise that, when I tried to stop the grooming, it had pushed it underground and it became more dangerous.
“Everyone saw Breck as a happy, handsome, attractive, clever, good boy and no one saw him as having vulnerabilities. No one took it seriously, even the police.
“I lost parental control because Lewis controlled my son. He just made me seem like I was a bad guy.
“I tried hard to save him and still feel like I failed. I have gone through plenty of therapy with my lovely therapist who tells me it wasn’t my fault. At the time I didn’t know about the places I could go for help. But from what I know now I could have tried more outlets.”
Looking back at how she survived the ordeal, Lorin said: “Without helping people and without help from the NHS I might be still in a dark room unable to be happy and cope with everyday pressures.
“It is still hard for me but I have people and a loving fiance and the triplets have been amazing. Launching myself into the charity stopped me from being angry at the predator, angry at the people who didn’t help, and at myself. As a family we do our best to still talk about Breck.
“The triplets were at a really difficult age and literally went from happy-go-lucky kids one day, to police arriving at the door and their world was rocked. Not only was their brother murdered, but mum has PTSD and can’t drive or even leave her room. They lost him but they also lost me and I couldn’t parent them for quite a while.
“Sadly, I feel that even now I do feel they suffer and that breaks my heart to think one monster can take away so much.
“I worry about them so much. When we say goodbye for a while, or I take a gorgeous photo of them, I think, ‘Could this be the last time ever?’ I never used to do that. I couldn’t bear to lose another one, I couldn’t bear to lose the first one. We have a lot of love for each other and when we are together we are close and I know if Breck was here he would be having fun with us as well. Every day it does make me mad and sad he isn’t. I would do anything to trade places with him.”
There were serious questions over the police handling of Breck’s case as it emerged that Daynes had been arrested on suspicion of the rape and sexual assault of a 15-year-old alleged victim three years earlier.
Lorin and her family launched a legal case and Surrey Police apologised for their mishandling, and paid an undisclosed sum in compensation.
Despite this, Lorin now works with the police. After Breck’s death she set up the foundation charity. It goes to schools across the country helping teenagers recognise signs of grooming.
As Lorin says, despite her efforts she “wasn’t able to be everywhere Breck was online”. Children are best placed to help each other.
Its latest project is the Breck Ambassador scheme, in which volunteer Metropolitan Police cadets are equipped with the training required to talk in schools about staying safe online – as peers to the young people.
Lorin said: “It is so important to teach children about coercive control. Sometimes they need to learn about some of these phrases that are a bit advanced and you wouldn’t think they should have to.
“But these lessons are among the most important. I don’t care how many degrees my children have, as long as they’re happy, healthy and safe.
“There’s still hundreds of thousands of groomers online and, while we do our best, they aren’t going away. It is easy access, they can sneak into a child’s room and manipulate them, dupe or control them.
“Parents might not even know they’re talking to someone outside their community. It is an ongoing issue.we have to make sure it is a constant effort.
“I didn’t see Breck as having vulnerabilities at all, he was a good student, he joined air cadets, he had a summer job wearing a suit in the city. He had parents who loved him and was an adored child. It does show you that it can happen to anyone.”
Lorin believes that more must be done to protect people online. In 2019, Breck’s sister Chloe received abusive messages on Snapchat claiming to be from her brother’s killer.the platform was criticised for a delay in handing over data to police investigating claims the messages were from Daynes.
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rin said: “Police should have access to ormation. They should be able to gain t access without months or years of moil. Even years later this case hasn’t en solved, police are busy but they know o did it.
We need police with proper tech skills. t I also don’t think they should just fob ople off with, ‘Oh well it happened ine’. We can’t let them get away with t, it’s not good enough now, and it hasn’t en for a long time.
We need help from the Government and m the big tech companies to not let dators prey on children. Stricter laws, fer sentences and stricter policies can y make that better.
I would love to see platforms that only ldren can use and parents can approve o they’re online with so people can’t ak into their lives through devices d apps.
There is also now amazing technology age identification. And, if I am lucky ough to have grandkids one day, I hope have figured out a way to make online a e place.”
Launching the charity has helped Lorin d her three 19-year-old children move on. Nonetheless, repeating Breck’s story metimes several times a day during sentation takes its toll. She no longer es them herself and instead they train resentatives to talk in schools.
‘I could never, ever,
ever forgive him’
Over time, doing presentations has med to retrace some of the harder things ave had to deal with – the guilt, pain, ef, loss and missing him.”
Daynes pleaded guilty and was sentenced a minimum of 25 years in jail.
His counsel Simon Mayo QC said he has perger’s Syndrome and had been andoned by his mother as a young child, using him to experience “deep-rooted lings of rejection and isolation”.
Lorin believes in part that he was targether as well as Breck, expressing his ger at the loving mother she is.
I’ve seen families before say they forgive
killer, but I could never, ever, ever give him.
Who I’m maddest at, whether rational not, is his mother. She abandoned him d you just don’t do that.
You don’t have a child and decide you n’t want them anymore. I’m not using it an excuse for him, there is something k in his head, but in some ways Breck came a target because he had a mother o was loving and attentive.
At the end of the day, if that mother had nt some quality time with her son ybe he wouldn’t have become the nster killer he was.then again maybe he uld have anyway. Maybe both parents w what a danger he was and that’s why y both ran away.
Unfortunately Breck didn’t see the evil the world. He didn’t have any idea what ‘friend’ was going to do.”