God save me from ‘woke’ coronation
AS A GRANDMOTHER I eagerly looked forward to the moment when the child in question became big enough to take on outings.tickling babies’ tummies is fine as far as it goes. But I longed for them to be old enough to see their faces light up as I introduced them to music, theatre and culture generally, followed by a slap-up tea.
So when I was looking after my eldest grand-daughter on a dull January day I thought a brisk walk to the lovely Fitzwilliam Museum in Cambridge would be just the thing. Perfect granny.
I hadn’t reckoned with the fact that all the people she knows had taken her there already. Several times. But she was very polite about it, and didn’t let on as I enthused over medieval suits of armour and Egyptian mummies. After patiently listening to me for some time she took my hand and said: “I expect you’ll want to look at the 18th century porcelain now. Everyone always does.” She’s five by the way.
I’M BAFFLED as to why the new Netflix production of All Quiet On The Western Front has been nominated for nine Oscars, including best picture and best international feature, as well as best cinematography, production design, visual effects, sound, make-up and hairstyling, original score and adapted screenplay.
Is it because it’s the first German language version of Erich Maria Remarque’s 1929 anti-war novel, appealing to some mistyeyed sense of Euro-solidarity in the face of Brexit and the war in Ukraine?
It’s a reasonably competent war-is-hell epic with the usual quota of gore and mud (actually it does deserve the make-up Oscar). But the main character – idealistic young soldier finds out the truth about war – is two dimensional at best. To me, the finale of the BBC’S Blackadder, first shown in 1989, still remains one of the most poignant depictions of the Firstworldwar... and filmed on a shoestring.
LASTWEEK Ferrari announced it has patented a method of reproducing the full-throttle roar of its old-style engines in its new electric models. Ernesto Lasalandra, the company’s research and development director, says that the “sound signature” will “stir up both feelings and emotions”.
I’ve never owned a Ferrari except in my dreams, but when I drove my dear little Porsche I thrilled to the throaty growl of its engine when I put my foot down.yes, I know I should have been saving the planet and taking public transport – but I wasn’t.
Acoustic vehicle alert systems (AVAS) on electric cars aren’t meant to stir feelings and emotions.they are a safety feature.
Who hasn’t been walking along, minding their own business, only to turn and find an electric car creeping up behind?
But when you’re driving your electric Ferrari will your emotions really be stirred if you know the sound is coming from a set of speakers? Or has the joy of the open road simply become an exercise in nostalgia?
WELL AT LEAST Charles and Camilla won’t be screeching up outsidewestminsterabbey in a Nissan Micra looking for a place to park, though that is undoubtedly what the Coronation carpers would have preferred. For it has been confirmed that on the big day – May 6 – the King and Queen (must we still add the word “Consort”?) will be arriving in the Gold State Coach.
Charles, we also learn, has been advised to wear military uniform rather than the silk stockings and breeches which tradition demands.
He, it’s been said, wasn’t averse to wearing them. When else can a chap show off his manly calves to the entire world? And let’s face it, he’s been waiting a long time to do it.
The ceremony itself has been slimmed down from the three hours for Elizabeth II to a snappy one hour of ceremonial.
Modern Britons, with the attention span of goldfish, apparently wouldn’t be able to concentrate for much longer.
Yes, but Avatar: The Way Of Water has a running time of three hours and 12 minutes. Nobody complains about that.
The guest list has been trimmed from 8,000 (at Elizabeth’s coronation) to a mere 2,000.
And various bits of ceremonial will be ditched, such as the presentation of the gold ingots and the dukes lining up to kneel and pay homage.
In days of yore it was probably a sound move to get your dukes on side, but of less importance now. And while I’m all for preserving moments of pointless but magnificent ritual, I can see that a photograph of Charles trousering a handful of ingots might be a satirist’s dream.
It’s a relief the Coronation won’t be a miserable, cut-price affair (10 minutes with the
Archbish Justin, half a dozen guests in smart casual and a finger buffet). Yet the payback for what pomp and circumstance is permitted in these straitened times is the appearance of the dreaded twosome – (no, not Harry and Megan) – “diversity” and “inclusion”.
While we don’t know whether the Markles have been sent an email telling them to “save the day” we know from “Palace sources” that “diversity” and “inclusion” are very much on the top table. Not that there’s anything wrong with diversity and inclusion in themselves, but must we always be beaten over the head with them?
Does Charles feel that for the rest of his life he must always call upon choirs of NHS workers, refugees and LGBTQ+ activists to add the politically correct flavour to any royal occasion? Must there always be an implicit cringeing apology for the entire “King thing”, to placate the grim-faced custodians of modern Britain? Unfortunately, the answer is “yes”.
APPARENTLY Prince Andrew is planning to reopen the out-of-court settlement he made withvirginia Giuffre last year and is still hoping to find a way back into public life as a member of the Royal Family. I’m not convinced his cause will be helped by Ghislaine Maxwell’s recent interview from behind bars. When someone sentenced to 20 years for sex trafficking calls you a “dear friend” you still have big problems.