Ryder’s a joy in a jungle of lowly legends
YAY! I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here (ITV, Monday – Friday) is back; but thankfully, shoppers, there’s still 238 days until Christmas. The combination of seeing Ant & Dec in the wilderness and that catchy theme tune triggered me for a show normally associated with Yuletide.
I immediately produced the first draft of my Christmas list and looked out for any new Iceland ads with tempting canapés.
There were none, because the only tempting sight was the South African savannah where wildebeest of pop
Shaun Ryder, a former runner-up, has joined his beastly friends of the animal kingdom for a one-off “legends” series.
Did it work? Not after one episode, and even the late arrival of nutritionist Gillian Mckeith, her usual narrative emanating from the outdoor dunny, won’t make things any more fragrant.
Ryder is a gift to reality show bookers. He simply doesn’t care what he does, or says.
Phil Tufnell is good value, too, though the Madchester frontman will probably eclipse the spin bowler as the show goes on.
Ryder’s astute assessment of the line-up: “There don’t seem to be any knobheads.” LOL. They’re both more enjoyable to watch than bewildered boxer Amir Khan.
“I’m not good at remembering,” he said [on having to memorise some numbers]. “And I’m no good at heights.” Chat show gold, Amir.
He helpfully informed us of his issues as he jumped off a ledge. Didn’t we have this predictable challenge in Wales? Note to producers: there’s no jeopardy, even apparently for someone suffering vertigo.
Dancer Jordan Banjo said his gonads were hurting from the harness, prompting maths maestro Carol Vorderman to talk about underwear, as you do. “Now you know how girls feel in Spanx.”
Soon another lame trial ensued with former Princess Diana butler Paul Burrell screaming like a banshee because a tiny snake was nibbling at his finger.
He will no doubt sprinkle some Royal snippets eventually.
Helen Flanagan, never knowingly seen without a bikini, is the “box of frogs” contestant. The former Corrie actress went into a so-called “mind chat”, for her challenge, repeating “I’m safe…
I’m safe”. Whatever gets
you there. Best line was left to ex-model Janice Dickinson asking each campmate, “What’s Your Celebrity?” Expect to see that as a new quiz on daytime telly.
Breaking literary news. PD James’s Adam Dalgliesh (Bertie Carvel), chief inspector and poet, has broken America.
In the first of a quality, two-parter this week, Dalgliesh (C5, Thursday & Friday) we learned from his agent that he has sold 18,000 books in the US in two weeks. That sounds a staggering figure for poetry. Watch out, Philip Larkin.
At least this very thoughtful plod will have something to fall back on when the corpses dry up.
No danger of that here. Within five minutes we had two bodies, the second – a first that I can recall – of a forensic biologist, tasked with examining cadavers for the police.
Thankfully for Dalgliesh there was a church hall full of suspects, from other forensics staff to senior policemen.
No wonder Dalgliesh, and his devoted sidekick – DS Kate Miskin (Carlyss Peer) were drafted in for this one.
This was my favourite crime drama of the year, with superb acting from all leads, fine writing and direction, and great pace.
Unlike Peter James’s Grace, we enjoyed one interrogation after another.
You felt you were in the room, with Carvel’s sympathetic portrayal of a determined, moral Dalgliesh. And when he had finished, Miskin would jump in, to ask about what a suspect had eaten, since vomit was found in a lab sink.
An early suspect, lab director Howarth, showed that culinary standards weren’t slipping in rural Norfolk – “an omelette, green salad and a Chablis”. No soul would ever return such a classic meal.
Where Dalgliesh triumphed, Malpractice (ITV, Sunday) failed.
It dealt with an A&E consultant Dr Lucinda Edwards (Niamh Algar) who has a nightmare shift and loses a patient to an opioid overdose. At the same time, a man has burst into A&E with a completely new strategy to jump the queue: carry a handgun,and wave it about.
Despite being written by a doctor, it was difficult to have much sympathy for Lucinda while, at the same time, her malpractice investigator Dr George Adjei ( Jordan Kouamé) also once had a patient die on him. A deeper conspiracy awaits.
Finally, Interior Design Masters (BBC Two, Tuesday) concluded another punchy, competitive series hosted by
Alan Carr. It was pubs this week for the decider between Monica and Jack.
The former, who suffers from ADHD, carried the day with a stunning bar of copper leaf. We’ll drink to that!