LOCKERBIE 35 YEARS ON
On December 21, 1988, the deadliest terror attack in Britain was unleashed over Lockerbie. A bomb planted on board Pan Am Flight 103 exploded, killing all 243 passengers, 16 crew and 11 residents of the small Scottish town. Survivor Helen Scott tells PETE
WHEN Helen Scott learned that Netflix and the BBC were to make a six-part drama about the Lockerbie bombing, she was sent into a sudden state of anxiety.
But the 44-year old – who was just nine when the atrocity changed her world – believes it would be wrong to ignore the attack.
She explained: “If I ever see or hear anything about the disaster, I always have the same reaction – it’s a gut-wrenching feeling.
“And it doesn’t get any easier as time goes on. The disaster is never far from my mind.
“But when it comes out of the blue I feel physically sick and I’m right back in it. It flashes up the memories when I’m not prepared for it. It’s PTSD, that’s what it is.
“What happened that night and in the years since was as unimaginable as it gets.”
That fateful evening – December 21, 1988 – Helen was a normal nine-year-old girl getting ready for Christmas with her mother and brother. Then a bomb caused Pan Am flight 103 to explode above their house in the small Scottish town of Lockerbie.
It killed all 243 passengers, 16 crew, plus 11 Lockerbie residents, all of whom lived on Sherwood Crescent, including two of her pals.
Incredibly, the Fraser family home at No 29 suffered no damage.
Others were reduced to shells and giant craters. While the Frasers were unharmed physically, they were deeply damaged psychologically, none more so than Helen.
She said: “I’ve had psychological trouble because of the air disaster and I also have bipolar disorder.
“I’ve been in and out of psychiatrists’ and psychologists’ offices since I was 10. I can’t count the number of people I’ve seen.
“My mother has been hugely affected as well. She suffers from depression. It has also affected my brother, but his reaction was it wasn’t going to define him in any way – and I think it probably propelled him to do more with his life, to not waste it. From the age of 14 he wanted to be a lawyer and he’s now a partner in a law firm.”
But she continued: “I still suffer from ‘survivors guilt’. I still think ‘Why not me?’ and I feel I have wasted my life.
“The people I knew who died – I think maybe I should have died and they could have done something better with their lives. I think it’s unfair I survived and frequently would rather not have been here at all – and then I feel guilty about that.
“If I could give my life to one of the girls I knew that died I would happily do so. I can’t get past that.”
Six months after the disaster, the family moved to Aberdeenshire, which they had previously planned to do anyway.
But Helen, who is still based there,