The five arguments all couples need to have

Working through a row can make your relationship stronger

How we communicate with each other, deal with each other’s families, share responsibilities and manage boundaries are all issues that can cause arguments between couples.

But rather than thinking that disagreements are to be avoided, some offer couples the potential for their relationship to grow.

Couples therapist Joanna Harrison says there are five rows all couples have to resolve if they are to enjoy a healthy, long-lasting relationship.

“When we come up against each other’s different ideas in the form of an argument, we have an opportunity to learn about the things we both care about,” says Joanna. “We discover the mutually agreeable ways of doing things and learn where each other’s limits are.

If we can better understand what’s going on between us when we argue – and repair afterwards – it can strengthen our relationships.”

These are the arguments Joanna suggests all couples ought to have…

4 you’re always on your phone

This complaint is all about the tensions created when we discover the different ideas we have about what space we want or can bear to have from each other, physically or mentally, and what we do and don’t want to share with each other.

Treat boundaries around phones and social media as an essential

i get taken for granted

This argument can cover many issues, from who does the washing up and takes the bins out to who pays the bills. When sharing jobs goes well, there can be real enjoyment from a sense of collaboration. But there may be contrasting housekeeping issue. If being physically apart from each other is more of an issue for one of you, plan in advance for difficult feelings and opposing attitudes.

Find ways to show you’re thinking about each other when apart. And “top up” on time together before or after a separation. ideas about what work actually needs doing and who should do what. Don’t expect your partner to mind read and do the things you think need doing. Communicate with each other about what these are and be up for having a go at something you don’t normally do. Support networks matter too. Being able to let off steam with friends is always helpful.

i’m not happy with our sex life

There’s no right way to have a sex life and no right amount of sex to be having – from no sex to lots of it, monogamous or open relationship – as long as it works for both people.

Sex can be a point of contention for all sorts of reasons, from differing levels of desire to becoming parents. Couples need to find a way to talk about it, otherwise it can slip off the radar and they are left feeling physically disconnected with a sense that something is missing.

Communicating openly and honestly about sex can be the most difficult topic of all but it’s essential.

Keep sex fun and don’t be afraid to make mistakes or try something new.

Five Arguments All Couples (Need To) Have: And Why The Washing Up Matters, Joanna Harrison, Souvenir Press, £14.99