Jane O’gorman
Our agony aunt gets to the heart of your relationship problems I’m devastated that my old friend has a new bestie
I’ve just heard my oldest pal describe someone else as her ‘best friend’. It might sound pathetic, but I feel floored. I thought that I was the most important woman in her life. We grew up together. We went travelling before university. I was there when her mum died, and she supported me when my parents divorced.
Now she’s getting married and has chosen a colleague as her maid of honour. I’m just a bridesmaid but it’s this pal from work who is organising the hen weekend and will be the right-hand woman on the big day.
What gets me is that they’ve only known each other since 2018 whereas I’ve been in the bride’s life for 20 years.
My partner says I need to get over myself because this is playground stuff. He points out that I’ve loads of friends, but I’m allowed to be hurt, aren’t I? My friend is so wrapped up in her wedding plans, that the humiliation she’s caused me hasn’t even registered – and that stings.
No one would blame you for feeling put out, but you have to remember that your friend is entitled to have her wedding, her way.
You and she share a history and, I genuinely believe, that she cares for you very much.
Are you inclined to ask for a chat during, which you could offer to be more involved? Don’t forget that the title of ‘Best Friend’ can be very fluid – lots of different people hold our attention during the course of a lifetime.
If she and her colleague are working together every day – and planning the wedding during lunch hours and after work – then it’s hardly surprising they’ve grown close.
If you’re feeling insecure and out of sorts in general, then make time to speak to your partner, family or even your GP. It’s fine to talk to someone about anything that is troubling you from the wedding to your mental health in general.
Go to the ceremony and reception and enjoy yourself because this is not worth falling out with someone you have known for so long.
Contact Jane at S Magazine, One Canada Square, Canary Wharf, London E14 5AP or email jane.ogorman@ reachplc.com. Jane regrets that she cannot reply personally to your letters