Fed up of it already
Don’t want to mention the ‘e’ word. You know, the one that starts with a Royal proposal and ends in ‘bleurgh’.
But we must be grateful to fans of The Jeremy Kyle Show for keeping it real while the rest of the nation went wedding crazy.
Some complained after the programme was interrupted for a 30-second newsflash. Well, who wouldn’t rather have
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We’ll get every cough and splutter on Harry and Meghan from now till May…and beyond.
Incidentally, is November just a slow month in the Royal publicity department?
William and Kate announced their engagement in November 2010 and married the following spring. Now Harry and his intended are doing the same. Maybe the couple aren’t calling all the shots after all…
Yes, this really is what the Tesco website told me when I innocently tried to order some butter in my online shop. Why I need Lurpak for playtime, the mind boggles.
But Christmas deserves Lurpak. It says so on the packaging. In fact, the brand name is secondary to the word Christmas, which has been cleverly recreated in Lurpak-style lettering, with a little sprinkling of snowflakes over the top to add some festive cheer. To butter. Seriously.
Perish the thought I might choose some other plain old spread in ordinary wrapping. That would be like telling the kids Santa’s taking the year off. Butter has been given a Christmas makeover. And it’s not the only bog-standard product to get one.
For those convinced their dishwashing experience lacks yuletide magic, there is “frosted cranberry” washing up liquid to make you think happy seasonal thoughts while washing off last night’s spag bol.
Choose Sainsbury’s “winter spice” bleach to clean the loo and fill your nostrils with the scent of mulled wine. Because nothing makes scrubbing the toilet more bearable than the smell of something you may have consumed (too much of) the night before.
Christmas is tacked onto products or services which have nothing at all to do with the most wonderful time of the year. Big corporations are e trying to snaffle every bit of the action, even though it really doesn’t belong to them.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve no problem with festive goodies such as chocolates and puddings and traditional snacks of the season. But household detergents and breakfast cereals? Give us a festive break.
With November just gone, Corn Flakes boxes have ditched the rooster in favour of Father Christmas and Jaffa Cakes come in yard-long boxes which declare, “’ Tis the season to eat Jaffa Cakes”. Who on earth associates Jaffa Cakes with Christmas?
I guess all this started back in the 30s when Coca- Cola created a fat, jolly Santa with a white beard, conveniently decked out in their corporate colours of red and white. And the modern-day Santa was born.
You’d think we would have grown wise to the manipulation by now. But no. More than 80 years later, a big, red Coca-Cola truck tours the UK in the run-up to Christmas and a bewildering number of people turn up to see an illuminated lorry promoting the world’s best-selling soft drink. Nothing to do with Advent. Just an advert. Get a grip.
Other manufacturers must have been watching this enviously, wondering how they could dress their everyday offerings to make them look l ike Christmas must-haves. Whether you want to spread your Warburtons loaf (in snowf lake wrapping) with Lurpak butter, Primula squeezy cheese or Nutella, you’ll find it in special seasonal packaging.
And I’m sorry but toilet paper imprinted with cutesy images of The Snowman is plain wrong. No Christmas character with such charm should have to endure the fate that awaits him in toilets all over the country.
It’s enough to make you weep for simpler times when grocery shopping was relatively relati unsul l ied by Christmas commercialisation. comm Fortunately, I have a seasonal seaso box of Kleenex tissues at hand. The kkids insisted on buying them because the bbox is covered in cartoon Christmas trees. tre But the tissues are plain old white. Which W is disappointing, apparently. It’s going go to be a long December.