First dad was diagnosed and then my mum until they struggled with dementia together. I didn’t run before they died but every step of those 26 miles is for them
Daughter reveals her marathon mission to raise money for Alzheimer’s research
When Jacqueline Gardner realised her mum Mary was showing symptoms of dementia, she had a better idea than most people of the heartbreak which lay in wait for her.
Jacqueline had already been through the agony of a dementia diagnosis with her dad Harry. Caring for two parents who were suffering brought much emotional turmoil for Jacqueline and her sister Arlene. Now, two years after losing both her parents to dementia, Jacqueline will run the London Marathon in their memory for Alzheimer Scotland. She is already in intensive training for the showpiece race, which is her first attempt at 26.2 miles. Jacqueline, of Larbert, near Falkirk, said: “I had never done any running before my parents died but my friend encouraged me to run a 10K in June last year and, as soon as I started the training, I was hooked.
“I knew I wanted to run a marathon for Alzheimer Scotland and decided the bigger, the better. “I’m running the London Marathon in memory of my parents but also to raise awareness of dementia and raise money to support the work done by Alzheimer Scotland to help those with the condition. “Every fami ly is dif ferent and everyone deals with things in their own way but having someone to talk to who has experience of dementia can only be a good thing, even if it’s just to start thinking about practical ideas and planning for the future.” Jacqueline and Arlene did all they could to care for both their parents, who died just 11 weeks apart. Harry had first started showing early symptoms of vascular dementia in 2000, suffering what appeared to be a series of mini-strokes and slowly becoming more and more forgetful. Mar y was d iagnosed wi th Alzheimer’s disease about six years later after her daughters spotted some obvious changes in her behav iour, i ncludi ng forgetting which direction to drive on a roundabout. Jacqueline, who works for STV, now wants to raise awareness of the illness that af fects more than 90,000 people in Scotland. She said: “I didn’t know any t h ing about dementia – how it really affects people or the care they need – and then both my parents were diagnosed.
“My dad was diagnosed first and I don’t know if he ever really knew that mum was diagnosed too but mum certainly had an awareness of what was happening to them both.
“Sometimes I wonder if it was perhaps easier on them that they were both going through this together – but it was hard too.
“There were times they would go out and either get lost together or lose each other. They would head off to the Howgate Centre in Falkirk and my dad would go to the toilets and not remember where he left my mum and my mum would forget that he couldn’t find his way back to her.
“They liked taking trips to Glasgow and would go into John Lewis but not manage to find their way out.
“There was a restaurant they liked near the station and I’d sometimes arrange to meet them there but they wouldn’t show up.
“When they eventually appeared, it was obvious they had been wandering around, unable to find their way to a
place they knew well. They had always been so capable, enjoyed doing things together and going places – so it was hard to watch.”
Long- distance lorry driver Harry started showing early symptoms of his illness just a year after retiring from the job he loved.
The former bus driver had tied the knot with Mary in 1962 in Stirling and went on to have two daughters. They had been married for 55 years when they died in 2017.
Jacqueline said: “Mum becoming ill was more obvious. She started saying things that you knew weren’t correct. Then one day she drove round a roundabout the wrong way. Thankfully, it wasn’t a busy roundabout and nothing happened. But it gave her a real fright.
“She agreed she wouldn’t drive any more and we took her to the doctor.”
After a series of tests, Mary – a retired hospital catering supervisor – was told she had a form of dementia.
Jacqueline said: “My mum and dad came from reasonably big families and no one else had ever been diagnosed with dementia so their illnesses came as a shock to everyone. But we are a close family, which meant we were able to help my parents as much as possible.”
Jacqueline says the last five years of her parents’ lives saw them need an increasing amount of support and care.
She said: “It was difficult seeing their struggle. My dad didn’t realise when he had asked you the same question again and again and we would try to answer it as if we were answering for the first time.
“But my mum knew she was forgetting things and would get frustrated. She would get up to do something, then
not remember what. She might go to the shops and buy the same thing every time, even though her cupboard at home was full of whatever it was. “Then she was struggling to do things like make a cup of tea.
“We ended up with a white board telling them things like what was for lunch or tea that day and whether it was in the fridge or freezer. And we would cover the house in post-it notes saying things like I’d be round to collect them at whatever time that day to take them to the shops or to the doctor.
“It was hard for us but it must have been equally hard and scary for them.”
Mary was 80 when she died in March 2017. Harry, 84, died in May the same year.
Alzheimer Scotland said: “With over 90,000 people living with dementia in Scotland, there are few families untouched by the illness. Dementia is the biggest health and social care challenge faced by society today.
“Alzheimer Scotland is urging everyone to do something amazing in 2019 for dementia and sign up to an event or help raise vital funds to support Alzheimer Scotland.
“If you have any questions about dementia and the services available in your area, call Alzheimer Scotland’s 24-hour Dementia Helpline on 0808 808 3000 or visit www.alzscot.org.”
I’m doing the marathon in memory of my parents and to raise funds for research