Is she in it for the power trip or is it love, actually?
unmarried PM that anyone can remember was Hugh Grant in Love Actually.
And he was such a lonesome saddo that he took to dancing in his socks, all alone in the cabinet room, while blasting out the Pointer Sisters’ Jump.
But Johnson can’t marry Symonds because there’s the small matter of his existing 25-year marriage to contend with first.
Theirs is evidently a tumultuous relationship, yet they could be living together in the nerve-centre of British politics during one of the most tumultuous of times in our history.
Just when we thought our prospects couldn’t get any worse, our Government goes full soap opera.
So what’s in it for an attractive, successful young Symonds, who could take her pick of randy Old Etonians, some of whom may even be unmarried?
It can’t be his loyalty. He’s a serial cheat.
It can’t be his good looks or sex appeal. He takes the unkempt middle-aged man look to Jeremy Clarkson standards and beyond.
There’s a chance he laughed her into bed with his posh-boy jokes. But that would only happen once, because nothing is funny enough to keep you there.
This woman is a PR expert who’s helped steer various political campaigns. She’s made it her business to schmooze the power brokers. Johnson, Gove and Javid went to her 30th birthday bash – surely the world’s worst Take That tribute act.
She’s been working quietly behind the scenes as Johnson’s stylist and weight-loss guru, scrutinising from the back row at his campaign launch.
There is no disputing she’s a smart cookie who knows how to pursue a strategy.
Rumour has it Symonds was already referring to herself as “first lady” before that fateful night in her flat. So is it business or power or is it love, actually? Who knows.
But any astute PR knows they should never be part of the story they’re trying to put out there. If the audience are talking about you, they’re not concentrating on the real subject.
Maybe that, in the end, will be what convinces her to make the smart choice and vote with her feet before it’s too late.
Melania will be first on the phone to congratulate her.
Johnson? He’ll be on Tinder.