Ladies (one) and gentlemen (too many).. welcome to my very own Wokescars
Scotland’s Krysty WilsonCairns is in the running for an Original Screenplay gong for
1917 but even hers is a joint nomination with male co-writer Sam Mendes.
Female nominees in all but the gender-specific categories are in woefully short supply, even after the Me Too/Time’s Up “revolution”.
So in the interests of redressing the balance, let’s have an alternative Oscars with some recognition for the remarkable achievements of today’s women.
Ladies and gentlemen, here are the Woke Oscars… the Wokescars, if you will.
They’re more relevant than anything you’ll see in Hollywood in the wee small hours… except if Glasgow girl Krysty wins because that would be wonderful.
Who else but J-Lo. The woman is a goddess. And if there was an Oscar for posteriors, it would surely go to Jenny from the block. But Ms Lopez is much more than an impressive bahooky.
Her performance at the Super Bowl’s halftime show was nothing short of breathtaking. No silly submissive sauciness in her act, just a powerful lady in control.
She managed a knee-slide across the stage, she made pole-dancing look sophisticated, she wore a succession of skimpy outfits which left little to the imagination and she brought on her 11-year-old daughter to prove her enviable genes are being carried on.
Apparently, it took a mere 10 hours to get Jen ready for the show. Excessive? Not in the least. Some of us could have 10 months of prep and still not fit into one of her Versace catsuits or pull off any dance moves more impressive than the hokey-cokey.
The woman is 50. Her sizzling co-performer, Shakira, is 43. They are kicking the butt of every creepy ageist in the entertainment world – and everywhere else too.
Male politicians dream of taking President Trump down a peg or two. Only House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has the cajones to do it with real panache.
She’s the Democrat grandee who initiated Trump’s impeachment proceedings and – despite always knowing he’d be cleared by a Republican majority – he reacted in true Trump style by being as petty and vindictive as possible.
The Donald spurned Pelosi’s outstretched hand as she introduced him on stage to deliver his annual State of the Union address, which is a bit like a school footballer taking the huff with the ref for awarding a penalty. Yup. That mature.
When he got to the end of his address, and was basking in the applause, Pelosi stood behind him and pointedly tore up a copy of his speech. She couldn’t find a word of truth in it, it seems.
What a gal. Give her a golden statuette to go with her balls of steel.
Kate Middleton. Hasn’t she upped her game since sis-in-law Meghan g threw a hissy fit and fled to o Canada? Suddenly, the Duchesschess of Cambridge is everywhere, playing out her royal role with new-found enthusiasm. m. Who knew she could do more than hold a clutch bag ag and smile sweetly?
Kate’s taken pictures of Holocaust survivors, launched a UK survey on early childhood and started d touring the country helping ng out at nurseries. At one event, ent, she poured Rice Krispies out ut of a Tupperware box. Incredible.
She even got a bit touchy-feely with the hubbie, which is straight out of the Meghan Markle book of PDAs. Shockaroony… she put a hand on William’s arm which, in her world, is as edgy as a full- on public snog.
Meghan has left the stage so Kate has stepped into the spotlight. And she’s shining like someone who’s glad to be rid of the competition.
Labour MP Tracy Brabin, 58. Yes, we know she won’t be in the final line-up to face a members’ ballot but we’re beginning to think she’s a better option than any of those contenders (not one of them have a modicum of understanding of Scottish politics, do they?).
Brabin sent the old codgers of Westminster into spluttering outrage by wearing a one-shoulder dress in the Commons. Twitter trolls then bombarded her with outrageous abuse too. Knuckle-draggers, the lot of them. Brabin is a middle-aged mother of two and an effective MP who had rushed to the chamber from a music event to raise an emergemergency point of order. Her smartsmart, asymmetrical dress fell a llittle as she rose to speaspeak. Big bloomin’ deal.
She was making a hhugely important point on press freedom: Why hahad some senior joujournalists been excluded from a Downing Street BrexiBrexit briefing? Now that is a big blbloomin’ deal.
GivGive us a principled Brabin and a oone-shoulder dress over a duplicitousdupli Bojo in shirt and tie any day of the week.
She couldc turn up in one of J-Lo’s ssparkly cat suits for all we care.ca Just keep fighting the goodg fight.
NoNow if she could also demonstrate a modicum of understanding of Scottish politics…
Dr Kate Broderick, a Scottish scientist working in a California laboratory, who’s spearheading the race to produce a vaccine against the coronavirus.
A team of specialists led by the Glasgow University graduate, who’s from Dunfermline, has been awarded a £7.5million grant to develop a safe vaccination and she’s working round the clock, snatching just two hours of sleep a night.
The mum of two has already produced vaccines against the deadly zika and Ebola viruses.
Work her team conducted just a few hours after being given the genetic code of coronavirus means they hope to move to clinical trials of a vaccine by summer.
A homegrown genius who could help save thousands of lives… an Oscar may not be enough for this woman. What about a sainthood?
Actress and model Jodie Turner-Smith should give lessons in how to shut down the body-shamers and women-haters.
After she appeared on The Graham Norton Show in a crop top which showed her glorious seven-month pregnant belly, Jodie was inundated with messages saying she had “no self-respect” and telling her to put her bump away. Not a f*****g chance.
Jodie, who stars in new crime movie Queen and Slim, wasn’t about to pull on a pair of maternity dungarees and collapse into hormonal tears because some keyboard losers spat their dummies.
She hit straight back, saying she “gives zero f**** about your disdain for pregnant women’s bodies on British television”. Pregnancy and profanity. Bleepin’ marvellous.