As guys & footballers you’re programmed not to show weakness
...that mentality has been in the game too long. Everyone would say: ‘Look how level Nessy is, he’s never up or down, he gets on with it’. Meanwhile, I’m in turmoil and I’d worry if I spoke out I would struggle to get a new contract SAYS JAMIE NESS
Untouchable. That’s how Jamie Ness felt as a kid during his early weeks in the Rangers spotlight.
If the last six seasons had been as carefree then he wouldn’t have had to book himself in for therapy. Mercifully, the midfielder reports he’s in a good place now and comfortable telling all about the mental health problems that have plagued him for years.
Ness admits that, by not speaking about the acute anxiety he suffered and the self- imposed pressures burdening him, he placed his mind under intolerable strain for too long. A decade ago Ness was the scoring star of an Old Firm Scottish Cup t i e . Howe v e r , t he midfielder’s career started to unravel 11 days after his crowning moment.
His groin went pop in the warm-up for a Europa League tie aga inst Sport ing Lisbon, a sound and feeling he was to become wearily familiar with. Yet he did not hear alarm bells sounding in his head.
For years Ness suppressed his issues for fear of showing weakness and, potential ly, derai l ing a career already moving in t h e wrong direction. That was, until last September.
He checked out Jonny Wilkinson on ‘The High Performance Podcast’ and listened as a sporting legend bared his soul on pressure of expectation, battling injuries and ensuing mental health struggles.
Ness revealed: “That’s when I first realised there was more to what I’d been experiencing.
“Everything clicked, my eyes opened up and I felt I needed a bit of help. What he described was what I was going through.”
A mind nearly crushed by stress was then spared by signing severance papers at Dundee.
Ness walked away from football to save himself.
There was a month or so bathing in waves of relief. Then came a realisation there was plenty work to be done on himself.
He said: “I was sitting in the car getting messages saying, ‘ Sor r y you’ve left’.
“But I felt great. A huge weight had been lifted. Then that wore off and you think: ‘ What are you going to do next?’.
“I was 29, I should’ve been in my prime. For a lot of us, our whole identity and personality is based around being a footballer.
“Take that away and what’s left? That’s what led to starting therapy. I’d been putting massive pressure on myself since I was a kid.
“I had this idea everything had to be perfect, that I had to reach this almost unattainable level.”
Ness dreamed about the English Premier League.
When that chance arrived sooner than expected as a result of Rangers’ administration, his 18 games in 18 months at Ibrox left him ill-equipped.
That was the onset of his personal crisis. Ness explained: “I had such confidence at first at Rangers. Stoke was where I lost that.
“I signed for them injured and was the youngest by a fair bit.
“I rubbed shoulders with Peter Crouch and Michael Owen who’d played at the top.
“Yet I’d played around 20 times in my career. I had this feeling of not belonging.
“As I struggled with injuries, doubts crept in and affected me pretty quickly.”
After just one League Cup tie for Stoke, there followed more than five years in League One – loans at Leyton Orient and Crewe before moves to Scunthorpe then Plymouth.
All the while, fitness problems persisted. He was snared in a vicious circle of calf strains. His career felt too often like an ordeal.
Ness admitted: “I never gave myself any compassion when I got injuries. I’d blame myself.
“That manifested itself in more injuries – because that’s what I was stressing about.
“Look at my career from leaving
Stoke. I just dropped down a level every time.
“Yet every move came with more pressure to get to that high level everyone expected of me. And all the while I’m going the wrong way.
“That took a toll. I spent years playing through injuries, pushing my body to the limits.
“I went to Germany, tried different podiatrists, had epidurals, insoles in my boots. The lot.
“I was probably putting myself more at risk of injury by heaping the pressure on. I wasn’t in a good place. I wouldn’t show any of my personality off the pitch.
“I was like a shell.
“When my Plymouth contract wasn’t renewed, I felt Dundee were my last chance.
“We were settled and happy in Devon so there was upheaval. I put more pressure on myself t o make it a success.
“Things spiralled downh i l l f rom an ankle injury at Cove. I pushed mys e l f b a c k again, leading to more injuries.
“It was a constant battle. I was fighting against my body to force myself out on the pitch.
“Something was going to give. It took coming out the game to realise what I needed to do.”
Ness believes there’s a long way to go before players are comfortable fronting up to problems while active in the sport.
The tragedy of Yeovil captain Lee Collins, found dead in his hotel room earlier this month at 32, was a jolting reminder.
Ness said: “As footballers you’re programmed that it’s a dog-eat-dog world and you can’t show weakness.
“Everyone would say: ‘Oh, look how level Nessy is. He’s never up nor down, he gets on with things.’.
“Meanwhile, I’m in turmoil. If I spoke out I’d think: ‘ Where am I going to get my next contract? Will I lose my place in the team?’.
“It’s so unhealthy.
“You see campaigns on men’s mental health and opening up to talk but football doesn’t have that kind of culture.
“One of my mates knew Lee pretty well. That was horrendous. It’s such a high-pressure job and short career with so much on the line.
“The therapist is helping me talk about issues I’d buried down, it’s been a massive release.”
Ness was fortunate to have enjoyed unstinting love and support from wife Heather and children Molly, Emily and David.
He says: “It’s easy for Heather to talk about her feelings. I don’t know if that’s a male and female thing or if that’s just the way we are.
“She knew how much I was struggling. She started resenting football because she saw what it was doing to me.
“It would be easy for me to dwell on the career time I’ve lost.
“But I look at it the other way. I’m lucky I’ve got to the root of it with time left, if that’s what I want to do.”
It was a battle, consta nt agains fightin t my g force body myself to pitch .. on the someth had to ing give