Rise of the Tory Instabammers
Eagle-eyed fans of this column (all four of you) will recall that I’ve spent the last three months dodging the British winter in Los Angeles.
As you read this this morning, we’ll be landing back at Heathrow, just in time for the clocks to go forward and the nights to get lighter. And it’s been long enough. I can’t wait to get back. I’ve missed you all. They do things differently out here…
One thing I’ve noticed in California is the dominance of Instagram culture. Everywhere you go, if it’s a picturesque location or a happening bar or restaurant, there they’ll be: a preening youth striking a ludicrous pose while their friend takes their photo. Then retakes it. Then does it again and again and again.
And, of course, this is the way of the youth now. There’s no use me being a curmudgeonly old man ranting and raving about how it’s all style over substance these days and how every single minute of the day doesn’t need to be a bloody photo opportunity and blah blah blah.
And you know what? If you’re a teenager, then go with God my friend. Get your picture taken all over the place all day long. You’ll never look this good again. And who cares if it is style over substance? Who said teenagers have to be substantial?
Unfortunately, it’s not just teenagers – it’s our Government. The master of Instagram politics has to be our barely sentient Foreign Secretary Liz Truss.
(Hang on, let me check, yes: typing the words “Foreign Secretary Liz Truss” still makes me weep horrible tears of laughter.)
If there’s the chance of a preening, clearly set up, ludicrous photo opportunity, then Liz is there. There she is, disembarking from a plane in foreign parts in a Union Jack dress. There she is, walking thoughtfully by a lake with a Union Jack umbrella. There she is, in her office surrounded by Union Jacks while she makes a call, holding the phone upside down. Driving a tank, jogging in New York, on an aircraft carrier. Liz never lets an Instagram moment slide.
And can you imagine the number of retakes her aides are forced to do? All in a doomed quest to tryy to make her look like a person of substance rather than a halfwit with an iPhone? The hundreds of hours of government time and effort invested in this hopeless cause.
Well, move over Liz, there’s a new challenger in town. Enter Chancellor of the Exchequer, Rishi Sunak……
Last week, in order to promote his cutting of five pence on the rate of petrol tax, Sunak arranged to be photographed filling up his car at a Sainsbury’s petrol station. There he was, smiling, gazing happily into the mid-distance of a golden dawn as he pumped the unleaded into his Kia Rio. And every sentient person in Britain thought the same thing…
HANG ON. RISHI SUNAK DRIVES A KIA RIO?
The same Rishi Sunak who went to Winchester College and then Oxford before going to work for Goldman Sachs and setting up his own hedge fund with capitalisation of $700million? The same Rishi Sunak who married the daughter of a billionaire? Who has houses in Kensington and Los Angeles? The same Rishi Sunak who is worth an estimated 200million quid? That Rishi Sunak? He drives a Kia Rio?
The photograph confirmed what I have long suspected the Tories think of the electorate – they don’t just think we are scum, they think we are genuinely thick. As thick as mince. As thick as custard.
They think you’ll look at that photo and think, “Good old Rishi. Helping us all out.” That you’ll just love his bit of beautifully photographed Instagram politics and forget all about the fact that the half-hearted measures he just
announced will do absolutely nothing to help the poorest people in the UK as they face historic food and fuel price rises. As they face the worst cost- of-living crisis in generations. That you’ll forget the fact he’s part of the cruellest, most incompetent government in history.
Of course, I understand that it had to be done. They couldn’t have gone with the truth: Rishi Sunak filling up one of his Range Rovers or Bentleys, not even bothering to look at the price of fuel before motoring off to hop on a private jet.
But I would have had more respect for the Conservatives if they’d done the really truthful photo opportunity, the one that really expressed how they feel about the great British public.
Sunak actually emptying the petrol tank of a pensioner’s Kia Rio.
Before getting into his Bentley to drive off to a private jet.