When your outside left is left outside
The penny started to drop during one pre-match meal. I’d had my chips and the exit door beckoned.
There were about six of us about to tuck in to a fish tea when the manager roared his disapproval from the other side of the room.
Pasta, scrambled egg and beans or fish. That was your whack and chips were a big no-no.
Flustered, the lady began taking away our plates with the offending fries but the boss barked over another instruction.
He shouted: “It’s okay, you can leave Parksy’s plate. He can have the chips if he wants them.”
Oh, how they laughed. Humiliated, it’s just an example of being part of the bomb squad at a football club where you’re told you won’t need your boots but to make sure you bring a heavy jacket.
That feeling of exclusion has become polarised due to the introduction of transfer windows.
Just ask Celtic’s unwantables James McCarthy, Oliver Abildgaard and Yosuke Ideguchi about being surplus to requirements.
Dozens of players in dressing rooms all across the country are carrying the tag of persona non grata. It’s either dig your heels in or pack your bags time.
Few possess the brass neck of Marvin Compper. Eighteen months, training day after day at Lennoxtown on big bucks but only managing one Hoops appearance in a Scottish Cup tie against Morton before eventually signing on with third-tier German side MSV Duisburg and retiring shortly after.
If memory serves, he received a Premiership title medal on the Parkhead pitch despite never having played a single minute and waved to acclaim the sarcastic applause. Good work if you can get it.
Over the next few days there will be plenty of tactical attempts to shift the dead wood across the game. Some will have been sent to Coventry over recent weeks.
As one boss said when I asked why I was always getting the brunt of it: “You should only start worrying when I stop talking to you.” So true.
Being sent to train with the youth team or told to train on your own is no longer fashionable.
As football has caught up with the working environment rules and regulations, a manager now has to be careful when banishing a player even if he’s the dregs of the dressing room, as it could be deemed constructive dismissal.
Had there been one, the HR department would have been working overtime when Jim McLean was operating at Tannadice.
Banished to train with the kids at Clyde after a disagreement and a change of manager, I once had to attend a clear-the-air meeting and I did so with a mate’s father who was also a chief inspector with Police Scotland.
I can still see the look on the then-gaffer’s face when we walked into his office. Needless to say, the following morning it was back with the first team and business as usual.
There are few professions like being a footballer. Play well and you’re treated like a prince. Don’t and you’ll be treated like a leper.