Mental strain had me ready to retire ... I owe them for saving career
Jags keeper Mitch opens up on Back Onside’s support
DAVID MITCHELL has grafted to get here.
Whether it was slogging away in Sports Direct, working for a mate’s firm who make car mats, or being reduced to tears bending his leg in rehab after a knee injury in 2017.
Yet, back in full-time football, one stellar Partick Thistle season from the top flight, here he was breaking down in front of dad Jim, wanting to retire.
At 32 is when most keepers are hitting their prime but the strain had become too much – not on his body, rather his mind.
He’d hope to remain invisible for 90 minutes, fret over iffy clearances long after they’d left his boot and spend match days worrying what those watching were thinking.
Talk of retiring prompted friend Jon Connolly – now goalie coach at Queen of the South – to urge Mitchell to pick up the phone to mental health charity Back Onside, a plea that at first went by the wayside.
His response was “But I’m not depressed”. A partner he adores in Lynnette, two kids in Shaw, 8, and Laila, 13, who worship him, Mitchell wasn’t in a moment of crisis.
But, having climbed Goatfell in Arran yesterday with friends to raise much-needed funds for Back Onside, he knows staying strong mentally is as important as doing so physically.
“I was worrying, ‘ Was I good enough?’” said Mitchell, who scaled two leagues to Hibs before Firhill beckoned in 2022. “I had a wee bit of imposter syndrome to begin with.
“Going from Clyde to Hibs, I had that. That’s a big jump – League One to one of the biggest clubs in Scotland.
“As soon as I was there I was made to feel wanted, appreciated and good enough to be at that club.
“Going to Thistle was starting all over again. I remember during games I was worrying about stuff that hadn’t even happened, what people in the crowd would be thinking.
“If I had a bad kick out the park, it would be in my head, I would be worried and I’d still be thinking about it after it’s gone.
“I was going through games where if I had nothing to do I was quite happy – and that is just wrong.
“I was nervous going into these games and during – that hasn’t changed because nerves aren’t a bad thing, it’s to be expected.
“You’re playing a high-risk sport in front of thousands who are paying their hard-earned money, there are people’s jobs on the line, so you’re going to be nervous, there’s going to be a bit of fear.
“But Back Onside turned that around into being, ‘ That’s OK, here’s how you deal with it.’
“Jane, who I spoke to, worked out I wasn’t present, I wasn’t there in the moment. That is asking for trouble.
“Now leading into and during games I focus on my breathing, just remind myself to stay present... and it has definitely worked.
“When younger, you’re just playing without fear. More as you get older and start thinking, ‘I’m playing for a contract, to keep a roof over my family’s head’, it’s all this pressure. Then you start thinking about the people you’re playing in front of, the fans, playing for a big club it’s just even more pressure.
“It’s just everything on top of you that was hard to deal with. That’s something Back Onside really did help me with massively.”
Mitchell has just signed a contract extension at Thistle for another year and, now 34, has his heart set on playing at least until he’s 40.
Rewind to November 2022 though, and a 3-2 defeat in which Dundee came from two goals behind, his career was heading the other way.
He said: “I was ready to retire. I knew I had that struggle with the mental side of the game.
“Back Onside have saved my career, along with JC. It is massive what they’ve done, not just for me.
“I’d just had enough. I was seeing things online about me, I was this, I was that. There was a game where somebody shouted something at me and my wee boy was standing right next to him.
“I thought, ‘ This just isn’t worth it.’
The match I made a bad mistake and cost us the game, the feeling I had after that I wouldn’t wish on anybody.
“I’d had enough, there was no other way to put it. Again that’s down to me, I didn’t know how to deal with that.
“Whereas before it was, ‘I’ve made a mistake, I’ll just go through this pain and eventually be all right.’ At that point it was never-ending.
“You know when you’re not playing well, you know when you’re struggling a bit. I was at a point of, ‘ This isn’t worth my health.’
“My dad’s always been encouraging. When I was younger I’d come into the car after a game and he’d be super positive – ‘Dad, we got scudded 5-0’ but he’s like, ‘Aye but your kicking was really good.’
“He’d always find a way. I was going into the house to hear what he had to say and I broke down straight away.
“I was quite shocked with what he said: ‘Look, if you want to retire then retire, you’ve had a great career, you’ve done us proud, you’ve done yourself proud, your happiness isn’t worth it.’
“I let JC and another friend Ally know my plans and JC said, ‘ You need to talk to Back Onside because this isn’t right, you’re far too young to be retiring because of the mental side’.
“Physically I felt great, still feel great, always looked after myself, so there was something there telling me, ‘Is that the right thing to do?’
“I didn’t use the number he gave me because I was like, ‘ I’m not depressed.’ I wasn’t depressed, it’s not like that – I just wasn’t sure how to deal with that side of the game.
“Libby Emmerson [ founder] ended up getting in touch then I’d speak to Jane once a week for the rest of that 2022-23 season – it might not even be about football.
“Just having her there to show me this can be dealt with, this wasn’t going to be forever, it was just a point in my career where mentally I didn’t know w how to deal with that t side of the game.
“I can’t thank them m enough.”