12 Tory clowns fight it out for the crown

Sunday Mirror (Northern Ireland) - - News -

Idon’t be­lieve it. I re­ally can’t be­lieve it. In fact, I’m al­most speech­less with dis­be­lief. Al­most but not quite. Otherwise this page wouldn’t get writ­ten.

I can’t be­lieve our next PM will be cho­sen from such a com­edy store of clowns by an elec­torate of 313 MPs with a con­fir­ma­tory vote by just 124,000 Tory mem­bers. That’s democ­racy Kim Jong-un-style.

I can’t be­lieve the dirty dozen are so uni­ver­sally aw­ful they dream up back-of-a-fag-packet poli­cies with lit­tle thought to the consequenc­es.

And that’s just those who have them. Matt Han­cock is an ideaf­ree zone and, God help us, he runs the NHS.

The only deal Brex­i­teers Boris John­son and Es­ther McVey offer the na­tion is a cat­a­strophic No Deal. While Rory Ste­wart’s pitch is no deal­ing with Boris.

And the rest of the crew on this ship of fools spout such doolally stuff that if they were heard shout­ing it out in the streets they would be sec­tioned.

For­eign Sec­re­tary Jeremy Hunt wants to turn the coun­try into a dodgy off­shore tax haven while

Michael Gove is surely tak­ing the michael with his plan to scrap the EU set­tle­ment scheme which 625,000 Euro­peans have al­ready signed up to in good faith.

Gove wants to re­place it with free ci­ti­zen­ship for the three mil­lion EU na­tion­als liv­ing here. That would cost £4bil­lion – or 1p on ba­sic rate in­come tax – and lead to un­doc­u­mented mi­grants, which is how we ended up with the Win­drush fi­asco.

Set­tling in an­other coun­try shouldn’t mean sac­ri­fic­ing pre­cious na­tional iden­tity any­way.

I lived in New York for five years but would have caught the first flight home had the US wanted to stop me be­ing Bri­tish.

While Gove’s pro­posal means hik­ing in­come tax, for­mer Brexit Sec­re­tary Do­minic Raab would lower it by 5p. On the face of it hugely pop­ulist.

But think about it. That would mean slic­ing £20bil­lion off pub­lic ser­vices, such as the NHS and schools, and her­ald a new age of aus­ter­ity.

If that’s the best this lot can do then we’re done for. But it brings a Gov­ern­ment of Na­tional Unity cre­ated by Tory and Labour rebels a heart­beat closer.

So never mind, eh. Cab­i­net min­is­ters are so ab­sorbed in squab­bling and scrab­bling for the lead­er­ship that the coun­try is left un­governed.

Yet ev­ery­thing seems to run rel­a­tively smoothly. Noth­ing col­lapses or crashes to a halt – apart from M25 traf­fic on my way home but I blame Chris Grayling. And the Trans­port Sec­re­tary was king of cock-ups long be­fore Brexit.

All this sug­gests the best form of gov­ern­ment is the least form of gov­ern­ment.

Now that I can be­lieve.

BAD DEAL McVey Bat­tle to be next PM is democ­racy Kim Jongun-style

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