Uptown bunk
The Flintstones’ boudoir. The strategy works because there is a) no whinging about being cold and b) minimal fidgeting, mainly because they can’t physically move.
I’m just dozing off when my phone beeps. A picture of a huge hotel bed, captioned “HAHAHA” is, I’m sure, just my husband’s way of saying, “Love you, good night”.
I comfort myself with the knowledge that I am At One with nature. A fact confirmed at 4.30am when I’m roused by the least talented member of the dawn chorus having an asthma attack outside the tent. Ian rejoins us for a hearty breakfast at the Explorers Outpost, full of smirky asides about power showers.
Glampers get a fast access ride pass for the first 30 minutes so you must look sharp and pick your must-dos. Bubbleworks and the new Zufari bus ride past giraffes and zebras are good options for young kids. When the crowds build, we swap the rides for the excellent zoo and adorable new animatronic show, Pandamonium.
We still don’t have the heart to tell Cara the truth about the Real Actual Pandas she’s been telling all her mates about meeting. Still, no harm in a little constructed reality. Real pandas are hard work and smelly. And I dare say the same is true for real camping.
So that’s what I’m taking home from Chessington: give me the fun, family-friendly, minimal-effort version every time.
Carry on glamping? We definitely will.
Clearly I’m married to a freaky giant and nobody else had to leave because of the beds, but some of the more strapping male guests did say they found them on the tight side too because of the bedboards. On the plus side, I found the bed most comfortable and spacious once my husband had left!
Glamping guests get two days at the theme park, so you should be able to do loads of the rides. The Explorers Outpost is in the Wild Asia area so don’t waste time queuing for things like the Tuk Tuk dodgems when you’ll get exclusive access to them after hours anyway. And take your camera to dinner for the character meet ’n’ greets. Glamping guests also get access to the Splash zone at Chessington’s Savannah Hotel – handy if it rains.
A night in a standard Explorer Glamping tent starts at £149 for a family of two adults and two children including breakfast, dinner and park tickets. chessington/glamping