My son enjoys being vile to his little brother

Goodness no! It means he is still a very big presence in your emotional life – and no wonder. Even though your marriage ended, you clearly have many shared experiences, and those lovely children to care for.

So it’s not surprising he’s in your subconscious! Don’t confuse that with the love that holds a marriage together. There was a reason you divorced. Remember that, or you could be in for heartache. I have two lovely sons and am a very proud mum. But one of them, the 10-year-old, seems to really enjoy being utterly cruel to his little brother.

He puts him down all the time, bullies him, breaks his toys and spoils his fun. My husband says it’s just sibling rivalry and they’ll grow out of it. But it really upsets me.

It is normal for siblings to quarrel. But when normal conflict turns into bullying, you should intervene.

And hoping that they’ll grow out of it just isn’t good enough parenting, in my view. You should supervise them as much as you possibly can. If you see it happening, take your boy aside and explain, in no uncertain terms, why his behaviour is wrong and hurtful.

Be firm, and be prepared to discipline him if he doesn’t comply, perhaps by withdrawing a privilege – but certainly nothing aggressive.

He needs to learn that reason and thoughtfulness is more powerful than being nasty and aggressive. But don’t tell him off in front of your other son and, equally, don’t listen to one complaining in front of the other.

If you are seen to be favouring one (no matter how justifiably) you’ll only give them even more reason to resent each other.

Strong parenting should be able to resolve this. So talk to your husband because you and your husband need to be united, compassionate and consistent.

Hoping they’ll grow out of it just isn’t good enough. Be firm, and be prepared to discipline him