POLL? IT’S NOT CRICKET

There’s a parliamentary by-election this month in which ordinary voters have no say.

It’s to fill a vacancy among the 92 hereditary peers still entitled to sit in the House of Lords.

Looking at the manifestos of some of the 16 candidates, perhaps it’s best they’re ONLY judged by their peers.

Lord Hampton thinks “cricket coach at local club” is a qualification for a UK legislator, while Earl Stockton offers skills in “conversational Spanish and German”.

Lord Biddulph’s election literature runs to just four words: “Always willing to serve.” Which would be a cracking CV for a waiter.

I know it’s crazy in the 21st century to have anyone sitting in Parliament because of an accident of birth. But pulling these bricks out of our constitutional wall could have some unforeseen consequences.

Abolishing the hereditary principle lower down might spread higher up. Our head of state is a hereditary position, and the current holder hasn’t done too badly.

Have you, Ma’am? Lords Tory whip George Young is proposing Gavin Williamson for this year’s Plain English Campaign’s Golden Bull Award. The Defence Secretary spouted bull poo by telling MPs “the Royal Navy has increased its mass and points of presence around the world” despite having fewer warships than in 2003.

But Gavers must beat Theresa May. Tory peer Michael Dobbs, of House of Cards fame, nominated the PM for “Brexit means Brexit”.