My 2020 vision
Travel ed Nigel Thompson looks into his crystal ball for some tongue-in-cheek predictions for 2020... JANUARY: At an early morning ceremony in Scratchy Bottom, Dorset, Prime Minister ‘Oven Ready’ Johnson opens the UK’s 14,345th Travelodge. With a bacon roll and a cup of tea, he promises to “Get Breakfast Done’’. FEBRUARY: A travel survey shockingly concludes that, during winter, most Brits’ ideal holiday destination would be somewhere warm and sunny. Who knew? MARCH: The world’s biggest cruise ship is launched in Dover. With 43,569 passengers, MS The Size Of Wales will sail 22 day round-trip itineraries to Great Yarmouth. APRIL: After the wettest winter on record, MS The Size Of Wales repositions to the flooded M25 for 75-day sailings around Greater London.
MAY: New electric plane carrier Wonder Airline Turbo Transport (WATT) launches routes to South Africa. The winged metal flying machines are great, but the batteries are so big they have to be linked by cables and carried behind by a gas-guzzling jumbo jet. Rival sun powered airline Flying Under Solar Energy (FUSE) starts transatlantic services. The gravity-defying tubular transports are great, but the panels needed to power them are “the size of Wales’’ and have to be linked by cables and transported on the ocean below by MS The Size Of Wales. JUNE: Heathrow announces its plans for an 11th runway expansion – which will be “the size of Wales’’ – have been delayed to the year 2238. JULY: Grand Pooh-Bar ‘Half Baked’ Johnson raises the cost of the “stonking’’ new blue UK passport to £450. Ryanair raises the cost of reprinting a boarding pass to €800. The nation raises its hackles. AUGUST: Brexit, Shmexit. Brits head off to the bustling cities and stunning views of EU countries in record numbers, thrilled by the fivehour queues at passport control. Brits say: “We can’t wait to go back.” SEPTEMBER: Supreme Leader ‘Al Dente’ Johnson and President ‘Bigly’ Trump perform their new Cannon and Ball comedy tribute act on MS The Size Of Wales. Critics say “it’s even worse than the Cats movie’’. OCTOBER: At the opening of a new holiday car hire service centre in Brokenwind, Aberdeenshire, Crown Prince ‘Flambé’ Johnson says he will “Get Brakes Fit Done’’. NOVEMBER: UK travellers rejoice as the HS2 railway line opens, shaving two minutes off the London to Leeds metal track journey at a cost of just £486billion. DECEMBER: At the opening of Legoland mega-resort in North Piddle, Worcs, Emperor ‘Soft Boiled’ Johnson pledges to “Get Bricks Set Done”.
I wish you safe and happy travels wherever you go in 2020!