I’m losing my Babs to dementia day by day
I’M LOSING MY BABS TO DEMENTIA, SAYS HUBBY
THE husband of TV’s Dame Barbara Windsor today reveals his heartache at her decline – and the treasured moments which keep them going.
Devoted Scott Mitchell tells the Sunday Mirror the actress’s Alzheimer’s has worsened to the point where she doesn’t recognise her own home.
Scott says Barbara, 82, forgets who he is, regularly asks for her long-departed mum Rose and at times thinks she is living in her parents’ house.
But the Carry On and EastEnders legend retains a “wonderful” humour, they still share a laugh – and watching her old shows stirs happy memories.
Scott, 56, says: “I’ve definitely seen a progression in the last year. Barbara’s symptoms have deepened, especially where her confusion is concerned.
“Constantly, she does not realise where we are, even in the house. She will ask me, ‘When are we going home?’
“Sometimes she will ask me about people who have already passed away, as if they are still here. That is something she does regularly about her own parents. It is a very difficult one.
“Barbara will often say to me, ‘Do you know how to get in touch with my mum? I’d like to have a chat with her. I haven’t seen her for ages, I need to see her.’
LONELINESS
“It’s heartbreaking. They are very difficult situations to be faced with. Shortterm memory is the hardest, so Barbara won’t remember if she had dinner 20 minutes ago. If I say someone is popping in, she will forget that instantly.
“The things she remembers are more long-term memories, so things about her childhood and early career.”
Barbara’s condition was diagnosed in 2014 and Scott is speaking out to further raise awareness about Alzheimer’s – and just days before Good Morning Britain’s first One Million Minutes Awards.
The event celebrates those who make a difference in the drive to end loneliness. It features the Dame Barbara Windsor Award, to be presented by Scott and actor Larry Lamb – Babs’ screen hubby from her days as EastEnders’ Peggy Mitchell.
The award will go to Danny Brown, 76 – diagnosed with vascular dementia in 2014.
On hearing his diagnosis, Danny made plans to end his life.
But after contacting the Alzheimer’s Society he got support, became involved in volunteering and hasn’t looked back.
Scott says: “It was absolutely incredible that Good Morning Britain wanted to name an award after Barbara. We both feel so honoured.
“Of course, I had to tell Barbara a lot of times and I have to remind her about it. But each time, her face lights up. You can see the pride that she’s still part of helping in some way. When I told her, she did a little gasp and said, ‘Really? They’re naming it after me?’
“Barbara was always a very charitable lady. She would give her time up if she thought she was helping other people.
“I am honoured to be asked to the awards and be a part of this for Barbara.
“It will be wonderful to meet Danny. Anyone who gives up their time to help others is a pretty amazing person. When I explained it to Barbara she said, ‘It’s fantastic that this man is getting out and trying to help people’. Because of the impact it had, us going public and talking about it, and the fact we were told it did help others, we wanted to continue that. I will continue to raise awareness for this, because it is something that will affect a lot of us.”
Scott, who has been Barbara’s partner for 26 years and husband for 20, is her carer. She can’t be left alone and has fulltime help during the day at their London home. Scott takes over from 5pm.
He goes on: “She gets very confused about where she is. Early memories are strongest, so she’ll often think this is her mum’s old house that she grew up in.
“She will say to me, ‘Why are there all these pictures of us here?’ Because she doesn’t realise where she is. One of the things she sometimes asks me is where I live. She will say to me, ‘So where do you live now, Scott?’ Which of course is a very difficult thing. I have to remember
She’ll ask things over and over and I will reply with a smile as if it’s first time I’ve heard it
SCOTT MITCHELL ON LIFE WITH HIS BELOVED TELLY STAR WIFE BARBARA
she doesn’t always realise it’s me. Sometimes she will say, ‘Where is Scott? Do you know where my husband Scott is?’
“She will ask me things over and over again. I reply to her with a smile, as if it is the first time I’ve heard it, even though it might be the 15th time.
“There is no point in me rolling my eyes, even if that’s how I’m feeling. So you have to be very sensitive. Sometimes, that’s easier said than done.”
On other occasions Barbara gets anxious if Scott is not by her side.
He explains: “It’s a complete split. She’ll either have those moments where she’s not sure about me, who I am, what the relationship is or the length of the relationship. Or it will go completely the opposite, where she will not let me out of her sight.
“If I leave the lounge to go to make dinner, she’ll either follow me or will be calling me in a minute or so saying, ‘Where are you, are you coming in here?’ I think it is anxiety and fear that suddenly, if she can’t see me, she may feel alone and disorientated if she doesn’t recognise the house.”
Despite her illness, Scott says Barbara still has the sense of humour that tickled fans down the years. Some evenings are spent singing, watching films or tuning in to EastEnders.
REMINDER
He says: “Barbara still has the most wonderful sense of humour. We can still make each other laugh. It’s not that we sit here constantly in these confused conversations.
“Sometimes we have lovely, normal conversations, where I feel everything is okay. We watch EastEnders and, as soon as she hears the theme tune, she knows she was part of the show. Of course, they have the lovely picture of
Peggy Mitchell in the Queen Vic – so a constant reminder.
“Barbara was thrilled when they named the new baby in the show after Peggy. Sometimes, if it’s mentioned, she’ll say, ‘Why are they talking about me?’
“That is just the nature of the illness. She will sing. A lot of the old songs get used in adverts, so she will sing or hum along. Music is very important for people living with dementia.”
The pair also watch Barbara’s old
Carry On films – stirring memories of her days starring with the likes of Sid James and co.
Scott says: “If I put on a Carry On film, she usually gets quite emotional. Especially when she sees Kenneth Williams. It triggers wonderful memories and a sadness. For her, there are three people in her old showbiz life that cause that kind of reaction – Kenneth Williams, Lionel Bart and Danny La Rue. “They have a very strong impact when she thinks back, they are the ones who make her emotional.” While it’s clear he adores Barbara, Scott says their relationship has inevitably changed since her diagnosis.
He says: “Just sitting side by side always feels like we are man and wife.
“But the relationship does change, of course. One would be lying if one said it is the same as it always was.
“I do have to look out for Barbara more than I used to. She was a fiercely independent lady and could really take care of herself. She’s always got out there and done it. So this has been a big change for her.”
Fiercely loyal Scott is determined to care for her in their home for as long as possible. He says: “This is where she belongs. I take life a day at a time. I will face everything as it happens.”
Barbara still has a wonderful sense of humour, we still laugh... it’s not all confusion
HUSBAND SCOTT REVEALING THE COUPLE’S PRECIOUS MOMENTS OF JOY