Agony of Asian men who suffer in silence
Forced marriage, guilt, shame, double lives – struggles many Asian women face, right? But men are suffering too – only they are too scared to speak out and too busy being labelled terrorists, groomers and women-haters.
Whether you’re Pakistani, Bangladeshi or Indian, there’s one shared value – the need to sacrifice personal happiness for the overall good of the family, the family name and the community.
And while this is a noble value, for many Asian boys born and bred here, it can cause immense stress and anxiety which goes unrecognised in the Asian community and the wider one.
My cousin Tariq, who is in his 50s, says while it’s great that Asian women are finally being heard, men are still suffering in silence.
Being a male in this culture means you are born with responsibilities. You are the head of the family after your father, keeper of the family name and you are expected to live with your parents and look after them in their old age.
You are expected to marry an Asian girl, and then your wife takes over the cooking, cleaning and general household chores.
This is a generalisation, but it is true for many Asian men. My cousin is a British Asian. He was born and educated here, but he was still expected to have an arranged marriage.
Only trouble is, he fell in love with a non-Asian English girl in his 20s and she fell pregnant. He had to keep her and the child, and his love for them, a secret or risk bringing shame on the family.
He was expected to go to Pakistan to have an arranged marriage and bring that girl back to the UK to show what a good son he was.
Tariq sacrificed his happiness for his cultural expectations and has suffered in silence for decades, not able to express how he felt.
He has a relationship with his first son and is happy with his wife and their children, but it has been an emotional battle – and he can’t help wondering how his life would have panned out if he had followed his heart.
Mental health struggles are seen as a sign of weakness in Asian men, and many have turned to drugs and self-harming, sinking into depression, ssion, with anger and frustration ation turning to violence.
Even n in 2020, young Asian men are facing these same pressures ures and expectations. It is torture ure for them. Many men are leading ading double lives, while the community mmunity has its head in the sand nd over their unhappiness and mental health.
They ey are stereotyped d beyond belief, f, dealing with racism acism and prejudice udice outside de their community munity and being under pressure from inside it.
They ey are living ing unhappy ppy lives, and the cycle ycle then en repeats ts itself with their own children. hildren.
Yes, we must continue nue to speak out for Asian women. n.
But we need to stand up for our men as well l – and let them know that reaching out to mental health charities es is not weak.
They y need to find their voice too.
He sacrificed his own happiness for his culture...
Gemma Collins has revealed she suffered a miscarriage during lockdown. Love her or hate her, you can always rely on her to be raw, frank and honest.
She shared that she has polycystic ovary syndrome, which can reduce your chances of conceiving. The GC is nearly 40 and has told her fans not to make the mistake she did, putting her career first, then facing a battle with her body.
She’d swap her fame for motherhood in a flash. She’s been told that losing another two stone is going to help her become a mummy, so that’s her priority. I wish her all the best.