I’m hot, not bothered

I LOVE the heat. I feel a bit guilty, when everyone else is going to bed in a fish tank full of water to try to stay cool, and walking around with a settee on their back because they stuck to it three days ago and can’t get it off. And I feel even worse as I know the reason for this weather is we’ve ruined the planet, and Scotland will soon be a desert, with Glaswegians shouting: “I cannae go in the kitchen, it’s full of scorpions. And that camel’s in the garden again.”

But it seems to suit me. Sorry.