TRUMP DROPS MORE CLANGERS

Now the American election has officially begun, Donald Trump will become even more deranged.

By the weekend he’ll scream at his rallies: “You know why we haven’t been back to the moon? It’s full of Muslims. I hear from my good friends the Clangers, they’re marvellous creatures, all their mosques float as there’s no gravity, so there’s no room for a rocket to land.”

As the cheering subsides he’ ll say: “I invented raisins. True! Iran tried to steal the recipe. Very bad people!”

The crowd will jeer and he’ll carry on: “Joe Biden attacked me with an axe. But let me tell you I pulled his head off. I’ve got it at home in a flower pot.”

But he’s slipping up. Because this week, he was asked why almost all his team has been arrested, after former top adviser Steve Bannon was charged with a massive fraud. “I have no idea,” he said.

If he was on form he’d have said: “They become jealous because I won Miss World. I’ve got a beautiful figure, I really have. It’s the injections of bleach, it’s why my skin’s so soft.”

It’s why much of the next 10 weeks will be spent watching Joe Biden on television and thinking, “please please please PLEASE don’t wet your trousers until the cameras have gone”.