Sunday Mirror


- United Kingdom · Bohemian Rhapsody

When this pan­demic is over, how we’ll laugh at our funny at­tempt at track­ing and trac­ing.

Any­one who’s gone into a café or pub knows the rou­tine of point­ing the NHS app at the black squig­gly code on the door so you’re reg­is­tered as hav­ing been there.

We as­sume this sends in­for­ma­tion to a vast of­fice where young ge­niuses in white shirts an­a­lyse the move­ments of ev­ery­one in Bri­tain. But hardly any­one is ever traced, so I ex­pect the black se­ries of dots is made by a man drink­ing Ten­nent’s Ex­tra in the park, with a tin of shoe pol­ish and a potato masher.

Ev­ery­one I know who has the app has re­ceived the mes­sage “Covid Alert”, but then re­ceived an­other telling you not to worry. That’s £ 12bil­lion well spent, on a sys­tem that says you may have Covid, but on the other hand you prob­a­bly haven’t.

It would be cheaper to pay car me­chan­ics to wan­der the streets walk­ing up to peo­ple, and say­ing: “No way of know­ing if you’ve got it or not mate, un­til I take you apart and have a good look in­side.”

And the app should be con­verted into a game where ev­ery­one who gets beeped has to per­form a task, such as sing a verse of Bo­hemian Rhap­sody, and if you fail you have to stay at home for 14 days and cough.

 ??  ??
 ??  ?? QUEEN GAME Mama, I’ve coughed again
QUEEN GAME Mama, I’ve coughed again

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from UK