I’ve got a brain tumour after stress of losing Sophie.. but I’m still fighting to stop the trolls
Grieving Deborah battles online abuse
THE mother of tragic Love Island star Sophie Gradon has been diagnosed with a brain tumour after the trauma of losing her daughter.
Devastated Deborah says she is enduring a living nightmare without Sophie and every day is agony.
But despite her pain she remains determined to tackle trolls after they made her daughter’s life hell.
Deborah, 62, says: “I don’t want Sophie’s death to be in vain.
“We’re looking here at the next destructive force within society and the Government needs to do more. If a beautiful, clever girl can be destroyed by public humiliation, then anyone can.”
Former Miss Great Britain Sophie, 32, took her own life in June 2018, after being bombarded with abuse when she appeared on the ITV2 reality show.
Shaken Deborah tells how she managed Sophie’s Twitter account when she first went into Love Island and was horrified by the level of abuse.
She says: “One troll posted ‘I hope you get cancer’. Another one said ‘Look at Sophie’s eyelashes’. Aren’t they pathetic?
IMPACT
“The comments went from one extreme to another but I could see the impact they were having.”
After losing Sophie there was more heartache for Deborah when her daughter’s dog Minnie died.
“Minnie was our last link – that last heartbeat – to Sophie,” Deborah says.
Then the grieving mum began to suffer blurred vision and a loss of balance. She saw a specialist, who dealt her yet more crushing news.
Deborah, who runs a grounds maintenance firm with husband Colin, 64, reveals: “I was told I had an endocrine tumour in my pituitary gland in my brain. He said it could well have been due to the stress of everything.
“It’s not cancerous but by the sheer virtue of where it is in my pituitary gland, it is dangerous.
“I get chronic fatigue. I live every day wondering whether I will wake up blind or with a brain bleed because the tumour’s putting pressure on my pituitary.”
Pending scan results will reveal whether Deborah needs surgery or medication. The uncertainty is crippling. She adds: “We rarely mention Sophie’s name. You are looking at the person you share your life with and it’s the hardest thing in the world to acknowledge their pain and agony too. Every day feels like we’re living a nightmare.”
Deborah’s plea for action on trolls chimes with calls from dozens of stars.
Arsenal launched a campaign with the hashtag StopOnlineAbuse after legend Thierry Henry came off social media after an onslaught of racist abuse. England manager Gareth Southgate asked his players to consider coming offline too. GMB weatherman Alex Beresford also shut down his account after being targeted. And the mother of Love Island host Caroline Flack, who took her own life, also demands tighter regulations.
Deborah backs calls for a register logging trolls – where employers can check for improper behaviour. And, like model Katie Price – whose son Harvey, 18, is relentlessly attacked – Deborah wants verified ID to be a requirement for opening any social media account.
She adds: “All social media companies should ask for proof of identity when people sign up, so they are easily traceable. After a first warning, anyone who continues to abuse should be named and shamed on a trolls register.”
Deborah believes Sophie’s suicide was down to many things but it was hate from internet trolls that cut the deepest.
Less than three months before she died, Sophie spoke on radio about being unprepared for the scale of abuse. In a chilling prophecy she even said: “The harsh reality is, it can end up with that victim taking their own life.
“That has happened. Can you imagine being responsible for that?”
Deborah goes on: “She spoke out against the abuse. She met with schoolkids in North Yorkshire.
PROUD
“Parents would write to say their 11-year-old had listened to her and it really helped them. I felt so proud of her, but that pain she felt was still there.”
Sophie was on Love Island in 2016 and Deborah says she came out a different person. A successful marketing manager with a 2:1 degree in Politics and Science, Sophie described her pain with anxiety and depression in a series of posts months before taking her life at the family’s home in Northumberland.
An inquest heard she took alcohol and
If a beautiful, clever girl can be destroyed by public humiliation, anyone can DEBORAH GRADON ON PAIN OF LOSING TV STAR DAUGHTER
cocaine before hanging herself. Deborah found phone messages Sophie sent to a fellow Love Islander about her struggles with fame.
Ten months later another contestant, Mike Thalassitis, 26, was found hanged in a London park.
Eight weeks after that there was the suicide of The Jeremy Kyle Show guest Steve Dymond, 63.
Then came the death of 40-year-old Love Island presenter Caroline.
The show is set to return to screens this June. But Deborah warns: “Anyone should think very hard about what they’re getting into. I would tell them not to do it. You are part of this Machiavellian experiment – for other people’s vicarious entertainment.
“They don’t really care about your emotions and mental health and they will exploit you. Love Island is a complete cash cow for ITV. It’s abhorrent that allowed to still air.”
The Gradons hoped TV shows would be held to account after the Digital, Culture, Media and Sport Select Committee set up its own inquiry into the deaths. But there has been little action so far. Deborah says: “The fact there’s been no change is hurtful, insulting and derogatory.
“It almost trivialises the deaths of those like Sophie and Mike.”
The Government has been part of ongoing discussions with social media firms. Culture Secretary Oliver Dowden has reiterated plans to fasttrack legislation which could force web firms to act on trolls – or face huge fines. Love Island announced new guidelines, including a minimum
it’s of eight counselling sessions for all contestants, after Mike’s suicide. But it’s little comfort to Deborah. Sophie told her she needed counselling not long after starting Love Island – but says ITV2 offered 10 minutes over Skype.
Deborah adds: “These guidelines are utter crap – just words, just smoke and mirrors. Sophie was vulnerable and could be manipulated. She was on sertraline for bipolar depression.”
Not a day goes by when she doesn’t think of her beautiful, vivacious daughter. Candle holders in her office spell out “I love you”, a gift from Sophie. Her WhatsApp picture shows them together. Deborah says: “Every day is agony. The pain is visceral. You
almost lose your mind and don’t know who you are any more.”
A Love Island spokesman said: “Welfare and duty of care towards our contributors is always our primary concern and we have extensive measures in place to support the islanders before, during and after their participation on the show.
IMPACT
“We have continued to evolve our process with each series, as the level of social media and media attention around the islanders has increased, which includes enhanced psychological support, more detailed conversations with potential Islanders regarding the impact of participation on the show, bespoke training for all Islanders on social media and a proactive aftercare package.”
Dr Paul Litchfield, a former chief
medical officer for BT, was engaged by ITV to review the show’s processes. He said: “A high level of professional expertise has been engaged to provide comprehensive support not only while young people are actively engaged with the show but also for an extended period when they are adjusting to life thereafter.”
The Department for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport said: “Trolling and harassment are unacceptable and we are introducing new laws to tackle harmful content.
“We are working quickly to bring forward our Online Safety Bill which will mean social media platforms will need to fulfil a duty of care towards their users or face tough sanctions.”
■■If you need mental health support contact the Samaritans on 116 123