Parents have a duty to educate their sons
The website Everyone’s Invited was started last year by Soma Sara, who shared her experiences of “rape culture”. More than 13,000 people have submitted their testimonies of sexual assault, abuse, harassment, rape and violence. The movement is committed to eradicating such a culture in society.
Soma says: “Rape culture exists when thoughts, behaviours and attitudes in a society or environment have the effect of normalising and trivialising sexual violence. When behaviours like ‘upskirting’ or the nonconsensual sharing of intimate photos are normalised, this acts as a gateway to criminal acts such as sexual assault and rape.
“Behaviours such as misogyny, slutshaming, victim-blaming and sexual harassment create an environment where sexual violence and abuse can exist and thrive. All behaviours, attitudes, thoughts and experiences in this culture are interconnected.”
Of the 13,000 stories shared, shockingly, 8,000 were from school pupils, which has led Robert Halfon, chairman of the House of Commons education select committee, to call for a full independent inquiry into the matter.
This week, we got a letter from my son’s school saying that they were going to talk to pupils about the importance of consent. But before he gets the school talk, I gave Zac a talk myself to ensure he understands the importance of what’s going on and why it’s being discussed.
One thing I have taught both my son and daughter from a very young age is that no one has the right to touch them without permission. I have taught them both that they don’t have the right to hit, touch or harm anyone else.
So far, both my children have made me very proud. They are respectful of other people and are not ones to kick, pinch or slap others, even in jest.
Zac is now 13 and his hormones have kicked in. So it’s time for the next level of “having a chat” – about crushes, breakI ups, experimenting. But the last thing I wanted to do was to use the wrong language and make him frightened about talking to, or even about, girls.
This is where I am grateful for the internet because when I typed in “how to talk to my son about consent”, a whole library of articles and blogs came up to help in choosing the right language to discuss such a crucial matter.
They also gave advice on how to check understanding, and answer any questions your son might have. The resource chose was a short little animation called Tea and Consent. I watched it with Zac – it was brilliant and very cleverly done.
We talked about the messaging and if he was clear about what consent means.
I thought he might have been embarrassed or just not interested but, on the contrary, he was engaged and I could see he was listening and absorbing the information.
As a parent, I do feel it is my duty, not just the school’s responsibility, to educate my son about his personal conduct and respect towards others – especially towards the opposite sex.
But the most important thing I did that evening was to read with him some of the testimonies that had been submitted to the Everybody’s Invited website, so that he could see first-hand just what the victims described as a violation – and the trauma it causes.
I’ll continue to have these conversations with my son to check his understanding, and also to make sure he has the confidence to call out sexual harassment, abuse or violence if he sees it happening to anyone else.
We owe it to our daughters.
Boys must be taught about rape culture