With leaders like Boris we have Noah chance
Boris Johnson made a good point when he said Margaret Thatcher was “ahead of the game” in fighting climate change when she shut down the coal mines.
In the same way we should praise Al-Qaeda because they shortened four flights that would have poured carbon into the atmosphere, and whatever else you might think about 9/11, it’s important to give them credit for being ahead of the game on reducing emissions.
This is a refreshing way to view history. For example, many British towns and cities were blighted with slums in the 1930s and 1940s, but the Luftwaffe were ahead of the game in reducing them to rubble, so we should respect them for that.
This is the sort of clear thinking that means we should be relieved to have Boris Johnson leading us through this climate crisis.
The country’s weather has changed so drastically that almost every area is suffering from violent floods and downpours, and the man we have in charge is someone not capable of opening his own bloody umbrella.
To be fair, Lord Deben, chair of the Climate Change Committee, praised the Government for its targets, giving them “nine out of 10”.
The only trouble, he says, is they’ve done hardly anything to meet the targets, and given their policies “four out of 10”.
But who cares what they do, it’s targets that are important. This is why the main winners of the Olympics have been the Falkland Islands because although they didn’t send anyone, they set a target of three million gold medals, so they must be absolutely thrilled.
Now Boris Johnson will host the climate change conference in Glasgow in November.
To put that another way, using the correct scientific language, our climate is so ruined that CANADA IS ON FIRE. That’s CANADA whose whole point is to be full of icy wastes and moose, and the man we’ve got to sort out that mess is BORIS SODDING JOHNSON.
In a couple of years, Birmingham will be under water from rising sea levels, and he’ll turn up in a hard hat going: “This gives the city an excellent opportunity to be ahead of the game in turning Aston Villa into a water skiing centre, and offering luxury cruises along the M6 to Wolverhampton and back.”
This is a man who shook hands with a room full of people who had coronavirus as he didn’t think he could catch it, then caught it.
If humanity had depended on someone this ridiculous, the last time we faced a climate crisis, the story in the Bible would go: “For 40 days and 40 nights the rain did fill the earth. And God said unto Noah he should build an ark, but Noah did miss the meeting with God as he wanted a weekend at Chequers.
“Then he said unto God, ‘Not to worry as I’ve set a target of everything being bone dry by Wednesday’.
“And God did ask Noah to collect two of every beast. And Noah did reply, ‘Nonsense’.
“And he did walk into the rain for he believed it wouldn’t make him wet. ‘I’m ahead of the game’ he said unto God, who shook his beard disbelief.”