Quotes of the week

I think the last days of Rome were more fun

Treasury Chief Secretary Simon Clarke is asked

whether Downing Street chaos

felt like the final days of the Roman Empire Keep calm and visit Ukraine Tourism chiefs try to attract visitors to the country despite the looming threat of a

Russian invasion It’s an unpleasant but necessary job… like fixing the drains Ex No10 aide

Dominic Cummings

pledges to continue his campaign

to oust Boris Johnson I’m a bit of a nutter. I’ll definitely wear a helmet next time

Simon Cowell breaks his arm in his second

e-bike crash in 18 months Being in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean and having absolutely no one around to help if something goes wrong makes you feel like Superwoman Jessica Oliver and her friend Charlotte Harris

become the fastest female rowing pair to

cross the Atlantic An Englishman’s home is his castle and my castle starts at that front gate

Farmer Robert Hooper is cleared of

criminal damage and dangerous driving after rolling a car off his land with a tractor I hope the deal will turn out lovely jubbly for us. Maybe this time next year we’ll be millionaires Self-styled Del Boy

businessman Karl Baxter tries to

flog royal crockery

bearing the word Jubbly

instead of Jubilee following a translation

error in China