IT ALL FELT A BIT DICKY

Cressida Dick has had an eventful few weeks. She took the decision the police couldn’t investigate illegal parties in Downing Street as they were “in the past”.

Then she changed her mind and set up an investigation, when it was handy for the Prime Minister as it delayed Sue Gray’s report. Now she’s had to resign as chief of the Met Police.

So she should use her experience to appear in “Cressida”, the most realistic cop series ever.

We see her arriving at her desk, looking mean and hungry to clear the London streets of crime.

Then a detective bursts into her office and says “There’s been a murder...

“There are a few clues, such as pictures of the person carrying out the murder on the front page of the Daily Mirror. What should we do?” And Cressida will say: “What was the time of the crime?”

The detective will say: “19.00 hours this evening ma’am.” She’ll reply: “Oh. As it’s in the past, there’s nothing much we can do.”

Then the show ends and we see her returning home, exhausted but determined, sipping a whisky and preparing for another gruelling day in the battle to maintain law and order.