OFF THE HOOK OF LOVE
Matt Hancock, the ex-health minister who resigned after breaking the regulations he created, has made a video to explain himself.
He says it happened because he was “in love”, so we’ll all forgive him for that.
Next week he’ll make another one, saying: “During the pandemic I gave contracts worth millions of pounds to my mates including a neighbour whose pub I drank in. This is also because I was in love, and also extremely horny on the morning it happened. Sorry.”
This will catch on. Defendants in court will copy
Matt Hancock, wear a cosy jumper and say: “I know I shouldn’t have done it, Your Honour, but the reason I carried out a series of armed robberies on petrol garages and Post Offices is, I was in love.”
Eventually Putin will be in the Hague for his war crimes tribunal and say: “I was in love. We all go crazy in love... I invade Ukraine and shell houses because I am giddy in my head.”
And we’ll all go: “Aah, I know technically he shouldn’t have brought the world to the brink of destruction, but who follows all the rules when
we’re smitten?”