PM PLAN IS A SIX SCANDAL

The Prime Minister has written a six-point plan, suggesting ideas for solving the problem of Vladimir Putin.

It was a lovely plan, and you would probably say “oh darling, that’s really sweet” and put it on the fridge, if it had been written by your five-yearold child and not the Prime sodding Minister.

One of the points was:

“Don’t normalise Russian aggression, as this leads to more aggression.”

What a beautiful plan that is. The idea of not making it normal that one country gets invaded by tanks is genius.

It’s amazing that no one thought of this before. I expect the next point was: “I ThiNk people shood Be nice!’ – and over the top was a pretty rainbow.

He has shown this plan to other world leaders, who probably said: “That’s very good, my cherub, but can you leave us alone for a few minutes as we have to talk about something very important. Let me put In the Night Garden on for you.”

But then poor Boris burst into tears, screaming: “It’s not fair. I wrote my six points in pretty purple crayon and it’s the most colourful sixpoint plan in the world.”