I lost my wife to cancer just after she gave birth. Now I’m helping others facing same hell
BY
IT should have been one of the happiest times of his life but an “unthinkably cruel” illness would tear his world apart.
Pete Wallroth’s wife Mair was 19 weeks pregnant with their second child and had everything to live for.
Her breast cancer diagnosis changed all that in an instant.
The disease spread to her brain and Mair, 41, died just 10 weeks after the birth of son Merlin.
Pete was left a single father to the tot and three-year-old daughter Martha.
The family’s story is heartbreaking. But, sadly, it is not uncommon.
Two UK women a day are diagnosed with cancer either during pregnancy or post-natally, equating to one in every 1,000 pregnant women.
And it is why Pete founded the Mummy’s Star charity to build a support network that would help other families like his.
Pete, 42, said: “The support Mair received was unmatched. That was probably the seed for Mummy’s Star.
“We connect people so they feel less alone, we are a support network and advocacy service for our families.
“We signpost to agencies who can help and provide grants and personalised help. We give them validation that all their feelings and experiences are understood.”
Mair died in December 2012. Mummy’s Star was set up the following year and has supported more than 1,500 women hit by cancer while pregnant or within 12 months of giving birth.
CRUEL
Pete added: “Pregnancy is so sacred that being diagnosed with cancer while carrying a child feels unthinkably cruel.
“Because of that it is isolating – people don’t want to think about it.
“Mair was told she had cancer in June 2012, when she was 19 weeks pregnant.
“She mentioned to the midwife she’d noticed a dull ache in her left breast. She was quickly referred and diagnosed straight after her 20-week scan with a large and aggressive tumour.”
Mair’s breast cancer was deemed to be curable and she had chemo before giving birth at 37 weeks.
But the cancer spread to the lining of her brain and she declined rapidly within a couple of months.
Pete said: “She struggled with dehydration, her eyesight was blurry and she kept losing her balance.
“It was affecting her optic nerve. Very quickly she couldn’t talk or sing but I would lay Merlin on her chest and her physical presence would soothe him.
“Before she lost speech, when she knew she was terminally ill, Mair had said, ‘Well, if it’s my purpose in life to give birth to two beautiful children, then so be it and I’ll die happy’.
“It was devastating. Martha was three-and-a-half. I helped her to understand that Mum got so sick she wasn’t going to come home. After the initial shock we just got into a routine.
“For those years as a single dad there was no one to curl up with on the sofa. I was seeing the kids off to school for the first time on my own. Those moments were all hard.
“Since we lost Mair I have channelled my experiences into positives. In my work I want people to know that the pregnant body is not immune to illness and new symptoms should not be dismissed as part and parcel of pregnancy. It’s a twee rhyme but ‘if in doubt, check it out’.
“A referral can be made by a GP, midwife or a sonographer – just tell someone what you are experiencing.
“And if the worst happens and cancer does interrupt your pregnancy, we are here to provide guidance and support to help women to gain as much control and comfort as they can.” Pete has found happiness again with second wife Nicola, who he married in 2019 and calls a “pillar of patience and strength”. The couple live in Derbyshire and have a son, Flynn, who is four.
Pete said: “Mair isn’t physically here as their mummy, but Martha and Merlin know she is always there in spirit. Equally they, collectively with their brother Flynn, have an amazing mum in Nic, who embraces everything that has impacted our lives before. We are a loving family of five, Martha and Merlin’s mummy is remembered with every passing day. I cannot underestimate the power of seeking help. I wonder sometimes how I would have coped without it. I want Mummy’s Star to be that help for families like mine.”
scoops@sundaymirror.co.uk ■■Mummy’s Star is hoping to reach more mums and families than ever before this year. To find out more and donate, visit mummysstar.org/donate