How to cope when a loved one is very ill
When a loved one is suddenly taken seriously ill and admitted to hospital, it is very difficult to deal with your emotions.
I know only too well the despair and feeling of hopelessness as my own dear mum is being cared for as an inpatient right now.
What’s made it even worse is that I’m away on holiday and agonising over whether I should return home to be near her.
My brothers say no because there is nothing much I can do for her right now. She is being well cared for and is only allowed one visitor for an hour a day.
We’ve all agreed that I’m better off calling her every day and trying to enjoy my break – so that I can come back re-energised to face what the future brings.
I’ve already planned time off to look after my mum when, hopefully, she is allowed out of hospital.
But I’m still finding it very hard to switch off – so I’ve been looking online to find any tips and support there might be for people in my situation who are overcome with worry about loved ones.
Most advice is that you have to start with looking after your own health in order to help others.
The website goodtherapy.org offers some great tips for coping when a loved one is very ill. It says the first thing is to “get centred”.
Ask yourself, are you getting enough nutritious food? Enough sleep? Are you able to go for a walk? It rightly says you can’t drive a car on an empty gas tank, and advises: “Take a minute to make sure you include some element of self-care.”
I’m forever telling people to look after themselves first in order to help others, but here I am, not practising what I preach. It’s so valuable to be reminded.
Goodtherapy recommends you “get connected” with medical staff to ensure you’re not left in the dark about what is happening.
Ask about the results of scans, biopsies and tests, and what they’re going to do. Being informed helps enormously.
It then suggests seeking support. I’m not great at asking for help. But this time I have reached out to my brothers, who have been remarkably supportive and helped me not to feel guilty about not being there.
Other advice is to “get hope” – a process that really helped me to put my thoughts and feelings into perspective.
Goodtherapy says: “When someone is diagnosed with serious illness, it may be hard to know what the future holds. There is a fine line between facing a significant medical diagnosis realistically, and holding on to hope for recovery.
“You may find yourself wavering between hoping for the best and yet fearing the worst. Reach out and allow others to help. If you have a spiritual path, this is a good time to spend some time connecting with your faith.”
I hope this advice helps others going through a tough time with a sick loved one.
I’m so grateful for our NHS – my mum is in the best possible place. I owe it to her to be positive and useful in her time of need.
It’s vital to look after yourself & ask for support