STICK THAT CRAZY MOGG IN CIRCUS

Jacob Rees-Mogg is the only Conservative MP who seems to enjoy going on television all day at the moment.

For example, when Andrew Marr explained he was angry about the parties in Downing Street, because of the way his father died during the lockdown, Rees-Mogg replied he should: “Get perspective”.

That’s the sensitive approach that can win back the trust of the public.

If someone sobs that they couldn’t be with their relative in their last days, because of lockdown, Rees-Mogg would probably tell them: “I fear your relative was the sort of character who was ignorant of the Latin names for even the most common of woodland shrubs. As such, I cannot imagine there was anything worthwhile to discuss with them – in which case the restrictions were somewhat of a godsend and you should be grateful.”

Rees-Mogg is a big fan of Victorian values. So I suggest we keep him happy, and do as the Victorians did.

We should stick him in a circus that travels from town to town, and charge one shilling for a family to come and laugh at the crazy man. And for an extra sixpence we could poke him with a stick.