THE BEZONIANS
Cert 18 ★
On digital and DVD from Monday
With its Vinnie Jones cameo, one-note quirky characters and lingering shots of topless strippers, this should tick most boxes for the cockney crime flick’s dwindling fanbase.
But self-indulgence creeps into the latest entrance from prolific straight-to-DVD specialist Savvas D Michael.
Not only has the Smoking Guns writer-director cast himself as the film’s supposedly handsome hardman Achilles, but he’s thrown jarring Homeric references into the mix.
The title references a private London club for shady locals, owned by a middle-aged rogue called Plato (Andreas Karras).
Fatally, the crime plot only kicks in on the hour mark. By then, you may have had your fill of the endless introductions and Plato’s witless voiceover.