MP’S FATAL ATTRACTORTION

In these modern days, we should accept that we all have different sexual desires, and no one should be mocked for whatever excites them personally.

So when an MP appears to mix up tractors and pornography, that’s his business.

If it means that when his wife asks him to talk dirty to her, he whispers in her ear: “Get orf my land”, and makes a chugchug-chug-chug noise like a Massey-Ferguson 1700E pootling up a country lane south of Taunton, we should respect that.

If he thinks that being bisexual is when you’re attracted to combine harvesters as well as tractors, that’s quite reasonable. I expect he writes romantic letters that glow: “Do you remember, my love, the day I sat astride you as we pootled along at three miles per hour causing a two-mile queue, but no matter how much the angry motorists tooted and honked as they couldn’t get past, we simply didn’t have a care in the world.”

Maybe his wife now understands why every year, when she asks where he’d like to go on holiday, he says: “Suffolk again, please.”

Let’s be thankful we live in liberal times and he’s free to pursue whatever makes him happy.