Why HM is still on the throne

The royals like to present themselves as a normal family, so the Queen did well this week by not turning up to the State Opening of Parliament – and sending Charles instead.

I hope she woke up and thought: “Sod going to work today, I fancy watching the horse racing.”

Then she rang the office and said: “I’m so sorry, I had a curry last night and it’s gone right through me, I daren’t come in.

“I’ll be halfway through reading out a new bill about immigration and I’ll have to dart off my throne for gawd knows how long.”