Driven loco by whiners

The announcements on trains are growing like bindweed and can’t be stopped.

As soon as a train leaves a station, a whining voice tells us: “If you see an apple unattended, it’s probably a bomb so alert a member of staff so we can destroy it in a controlled explosion.

“When leaving the train, please remember to take your whole body.

“When disembarking, take care not to tumble down a glacier. Please don’t plug the other passengers into a toaster that hasn’t been approved by a qualified electrician.

“Visit our buffet, where we have a wide variety of three bars of Twix…”